2.2.5 Using Assertive Communication

Assertiveness offers many benefits. It helps you keep people from taking advantage of you. It can also help you from acting like a bully to others—assertiveness is not the same thing as aggression. According to the Mayo Clinic (2020), behaving assertively can help you:

• Gain self-confidence and self-esteem
• Understand and recognize your feelings
• Earn respect from others
• Improve communication
• Create win-win situations
• Improve your decision-making skills
• Create honest relationships
• Gain more job satisfaction

Learning to be more assertive can also help you effectively express your feelings when communicating with others about issues. This is called assertive communication.

In this Mayo Clinic article, “Being assertive: Reduce stress, communicate better,” you will read about the concept of being assertive out of respect, to assist with communicating ideas. You will learn the following tips:

• Assess your style. Do you voice your opinions or remain silent? Do you say yes to additional work even when your plate is full? Are you quick to judge or blame? Do people seem to dread or fear talking to you? Understand your style before you begin making changes.
• Use ‘I’ statements. Using “I” statements lets others know what you’re thinking or feeling without sounding accusatory. For instance, say, “I disagree,” rather than, “You’re wrong.” If you have a request, say, “I would like you to help with this” rather than, “You need to do this.” Keep your requests simple and specific.
• Practice saying no. If you have a hard time turning down requests, try saying, “No, I can’t do that now.” Don’t hesitate — be direct. If an explanation is appropriate, keep it brief.
• Rehearse what you want to say. If it’s challenging to say what you want or think, practice general scenarios you encounter. Say what you want to say out loud. It may help to write it out first, too, so you can practice from a script. Consider role-playing with a friend or colleague and ask for clear feedback.
• Use body language. Communication isn’t just verbal. Act confident even if you aren’t feeling it. Keep an upright posture, but lean forward a bit. Make regular eye contact. Maintain a neutral or positive facial expression. Don’t cross your arms or legs. Practice assertive body language in front of a mirror or with a friend or colleague.
• Keep emotions in check. Conflict is hard for most people. Maybe you get angry or frustrated, or maybe you feel like crying. Although these feelings are normal, they can get in the way of resolving conflict. If you feel too emotional going into a situation, wait a bit if possible. Then work on remaining calm. Breathe slowly. Keep your voice even and firm.
• Start small. At first, practice your new skills in situations that are low risk. For instance, try out your assertiveness on a partner or friend before tackling a difficult situation at work. Evaluate yourself afterward and tweak your approach as necessary. (Mayo Clinic, 2020)