6.5 Listening for Understanding

Learning to listen to your conversational partner, customer, supplier, or supervisor is an important part of business communication. Often, instead of listening, you mentally rehearse how you are going to respond or are busy trying to multitask so are not paying full attention. Inattentive listening can cause you to miss much of what the speaker is sharing with you.

Communication involves the sharing and understanding of meaning. To fully share and understand, practice active listening so that you are truly focused on the speaker and fully present in the moment of interaction. Pay attention to both the actual words and other clues to meaning, such as tone of voice or body language. Look for opportunities for clarification and feedback when the time comes for you to respond, not before.

Active Listening

You’ve probably experienced the odd sensation of driving somewhere and, having arrived, realized you don’t remember driving through your route. Your mind may have been filled with other issues and you drove on autopilot. It’s dangerous when you drive like that, and it is dangerous in communication. Choosing to listen attentively takes effort. People communicate with words, expressions, and even in silence, and your attention to all of these factors will make you a better communicator. From discussions on improving customer service to retaining customers in challenging economic times, the importance of listening comes up frequently as a success strategy.

Here are some tips to facilitate active listening:

• Maintain eye contact with the speaker
• Don’t interrupt and don’t multitask
• Focus your attention on the message rather than your own internal monologue
• Restate the message in your own words and ask if you understood correctly
• Ask clarifying questions to communicate interest and gain insight

When the Going Gets Tough

Tips in this chapter will serve you well in daily interactions, but suppose you have an especially difficult subject to discuss, or you receive some really bad news. In a difficult situation like this, it is worth taking extra effort to create an environment and context that will facilitate positive communication.

Here are some strategies that may be helpful:

• Set aside a special time. To have a difficult conversation set aside a special time when you will not be disturbed. Close the door and turn off the TV, music player, phone and/or instant messaging.
• Don’t interrupt. Keep silent while you let the other person “speak his or her piece.” Make an effort to understand and digest the message without mental interruptions.
• Be nonjudgmental. Receive the message without judgment or criticism. Set aside your opinions, attitudes, and beliefs.
• Be accepting. Be open to the message being communicated, realizing that acceptance does not necessarily mean you agree with what is being said.
• Take turns. Wait until it is your turn to respond, and then measure your response in proportion to the message that was delivered to you. Reciprocal turn-taking allows each person have her of his say.
• Acknowledge. Let the other person know that you have listened to the message attentively.
• Understand. Be certain that you understand what your partner is saying. If you don’t understand, ask for clarification. Restate the message in your own words.
• Keep your cool. Speak your truth without blaming. A calm tone will help prevent the conflict from escalating. Use “I” statements (e.g., “I felt concerned when I learned that my department is going to have a layoff”) rather than “you” statements (e.g., “you want to get rid of some of our best people”).
• Finally, recognize that mutual respect and understanding are built one conversation at a time. Trust is difficult to gain and easy to lose. Be patient and keep the channels of communication open, as a solution may develop slowly over the course of many small interactions. Recognize that it is more valuable to maintain the relationship over the long term than to “win” in an individual transaction.

To summarize this section, part of being an effective communicator is learning to receive messages from others through active listening.

“20 Listening and Reading for Understanding” from Communication for Business Professionals by eCampusOntario is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.