32 Plain Language: Sentence Structure

Writing well means writing concisely. Eliminate complex structures and unnecessary words so that your reader can focus on the most important parts of your message.

Learning Objectives

After you complete this chapter, you will be able to

  • apply strategies to write more clearly and concisely
    • use the active voice (PLAIN, 2011, p. 26)
    • eliminate long lead-ins (Meyer, 2014, p. 124)
    • avoid expletive constructions (OWL Purdue, 2018)
    • revise noun conversions (Meyer, 2014, p. 124)
    • eliminate redundant words (OWL Purdue, 2018)

Use Fewer Words

Use the Active Voice[1]

The active voice makes it clear who is supposed to do what. In an active sentence, the person or agency that’s acting is the subject of the sentence. In a passive sentence, the person or item that is acted upon is the subject of the sentence. Passive sentences often do not identify who is performing the action.

Active sentences are clearer and more concise than passive sentences.

However, there are times when the passive voice is appropriate. You might use the passive voice to give bad news, especially when you want to avoid saying who is responsible for a particular action. Compare these two sentences:

Passive: The report has been accidentally deleted.

Active: John Jones accidentally deleted the report.

If you were John, which sentence do you hope will be used in a company-wide email? In this case, the passive sentence might be more appropriate to conceal who has deleted the report. See the Giving Bad News Chapter in this e-text for more details on phrasing to avoid blame.

 

Compare the passive voice and active voice constructions below. Which is more clear and concise?

Image of verb chart reproduced from The Plain Language Action and Information Network (PLAIN). (2011, May). Federal Plain Language Guidelines, revision 1 [pdf], p. 20. https://bit.ly/3v4HXvv

Learning Check[2]

Eliminate Unnecessary Lead-ins [3]

Introductory phrases can be used as a politeness strategy to soften a message, but lead-ins are mostly unnecessary. They add nothing to a sentence and state information that is already obvious (e.g., This message is to inform you that…). Readers want information conveyed to them as directly as possible.

Wordy: l am writing to inform you that parking lot C will be closed for maintenance Monday, September 30.
Concise: Parking lot C will be closed for maintenance Monday, September 30.

Avoid Expletive Constructions[4]

Another way to reduce wordiness is to avoid starting sentences with expletive constructions like there is/are and it is/was. Sentences that start with these empty phrases are not concise or well-written. Whenever possible, begin your sentence with the subject followed closely by the verb and object.

Wordy expletive construction: It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills.
Concise phrasing: The governor signs or vetoes bills.
Wordy expletive construction: There are four rules that should be observed during meetings.
Concise phrasing: Four rules should be observed during meetings.
Wordy expletive construction: There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
Concise phrasing: A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street.

Revise Noun Conversions [5]

Noun conversions may sound impressive, but they will also make your writing weak and wordy, so it is best to avoid using them. Instead, use strong verbs. Your sentences will be more concise and the focus of your sentence will be on an action.

NOUN CONVERSION PHRASE VERB
reach a conclusion conclude
make the assumption assume
make a decision decide
conduct an investigation investigate
engage in consultation with consult
give consideration to consider
give authorization for authorize

 

Compare these wordy sentences with the more concise revisions.

Wordy Leading economists made a prediction of a stronger Canadian dollar.
Concise Leading economists predicted a stronger Canadian dollar.
Wordy CanPac undertook a revision of its full-year earnings forecast.
Concise CanPac revised its full-year earnings forecast.
Wordy City council brought about an amendment to the bylaw.
Concise City council amended the bylaw.

Eliminate Redundant Words[6]

Sometimes we pair words together and use two words when we could – and should! – use only one.

Don’t Say Do Say
past memories memories
various differences differences
each individual individuals
basic fundamentals fundamentals
future plans plans
free gift gift
unexpected surprise surprise
very unique unique

Notice how eliminating the redundant words makes the sentence much more clear and concise:

Wordy: Before the travel agent was completely able to finish explaining the various differences among all of the many very unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her future plans.
Concise: Before the travel agent finished explaining the differences among the unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her plans.

 

Learning Check[7]

 

CHECKLIST | Conciseness

❑    Have you  used the active voice?

❑    Have you eliminated unnecessary lead-ins and expletive constructions?

❑    Have you replaced noun conversions (and –ize words) with strong verbs?

❑    Have you eliminated redundancies, empty words, and empty phrases?

 

Additional Resources to Practice Concise Writing

Check out the OWL Purdue website for exercises on eliminating wordiness. There are three different exercises. Compare your answers with the suggested answers in the answer key.

  1. The Plain Language Action and Information Network (PLAIN). (2011, May). Federal Plain Language Guidelines, revision 1. https://www.plainlanguage.gov/media/FederalPLGuidelines.pdf. ↵
  2. O'Flahavan, L. (2020, April 13). Writing in plain language with Leslie O'Flahavan. LinkedIn Learning. https://www.linkedin.com/learning/writing-in-plain-language. ↵
  3. Meyer, C. (2014). Business style. In Communication for results: A Canadian student's guide (4th ed., pp. 144-174). Oxford. ↵
  4. Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL). (2018, November 7). Conciseness: Avoid common pitfalls. Purdue University. https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/conciseness/avoid_common_pitfalls.html. ↵
  5. Meyer, C. (2014). Business style. In Communication for results: A Canadian student's guide (4th ed., pp. 144-174). Oxford. ↵
  6. Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL). (2018, November 7). Conciseness: Avoid common pitfalls. Purdue University. https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/conciseness/avoid_common_pitfalls.html. ↵
  7. O'Flahavan, L. (2020, April 13). Writing in plain language with Leslie O'Flahavan. LinkedIn Learning. https://www.linkedin.com/learning/writing-in-plain-language. ↵

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