1.15 Concise and Precise Writing: Word Level
Concision and Precision Defined
Concision and Precision are two important business communication goals.
- To be concise is to communicate information in as few words as possible.
- To be precise is to communicate all required information.
To achieve concision and precision in writing, writers need to be cognizant of word choice and sentence structure.
Precision
Include clear subjects in sentences. Avoid the following.
Avoid using ambiguous “they”, “it”, “you” pronouns.
| Ambiguous – to be avoided | They need the costing information by the afternoon. | When you use the costing application, you sometimes get an error message because you haven’t saved the most recent input. | It will mean that management may have to lay off some employees. |
|---|---|---|---|
| Improved | The controller needs the costing information by this afternoon. | Users sometimes get error messages when using the costing application because they haven’t saved their most recent input. | The merger will mean that management will have to lay off some employees. |
Present facts clearly.
Use precise language.
| Ambiguous – to be avoided | A while ago we received some complaints about our sauces. | A lot of union members indicated that they would ratify the agreement. |
|---|---|---|
| Improved | In April, we received about 15 complaints about the re-heating instructions on our Ole Mole sauce label. | About 65 percent of union members indicated that they would ratify the agreement. |
Use Plain English: Avoid overly formal words, foreign words, cliches, and slang.
| Overly formal words, foreign words, cliches, and slang – to be avoided | Hank Fuchs apprised me of the poorly performing Facebook shares. | The conference will commence at 10 a.m. | We are really going to have to tighten our belts this quarter. | Critics argue that Google’s raison d’etre is to provide businesses with an endless stream of customers. | Ian bounced as soon as the meeting was over. |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Improved | Hank Fuchs told me about the poorly performing Facebook shares. | The conference will start at 10 a.m. | We are going to have to reduce spending by 10% this quarter. | Critics argue that Google’s goal is to provide businesses with an endless stream of customers. | Ian left as soon as the meeting was over. |
Use job-related jargon only if your audience is familiar with the jargon.
The sentences below are effective only if the reader understands the italicized terms.
- The PAC was pleased with the improvement in prospective employees’ communication skills.
- The HR department is completing its bi-annual CPQR report.
- Edalat began the content curation for our webpage yesterday.
- The bounce rate on our Twitter account is almost 76%.
Concision
Eliminate wordy or redundant phrases
Avoid unnecessary words such as “true fact” of “refer back”. A fact is true, so “true fact” is redundant. Refer means to go back, so “refer back” is redundant.
Click on the following link to see a list 50 common redundant phrases 50 Redundant Phrases to Avoid. Do you use any of them?
Avoid nominalizations.
A nominalization is a grammatical term used to describe the process of turning a verb into a noun.
| Weak – to be avoided | Clifford made the conclusion that we need to improve efficiencies in product transport. | We made the assumption that we would have received the vegan leather from our suppliers by last week. | The Health and Safety Team conducted an investigation on air quality in our 5th floor offices. | Our IT team had a discussion on how to enhance cyber security. | Our IT team made a recommendation that we should increase our firewall. |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Improved | Clifford concluded that we need to improve efficiencies in product transport. | We assumed that we would have received the vegan leather from our suppliers by last week. | The Health and Safety Team investigated air quality in our 5th floor offices. | Our IT team discussed how to enhance cyber security. | Our IT team recommended increasing our firewall. |
Exercises
Part 1
Eliminate the unnecessary words in the following sentences.
- How basically comfortable are you working on Easy Money spreadsheets?
- Recent graduates need to have earned high marks in accounting class in order to participate in our Recent Grad Program.
- Please refer back to the warranty clause to see if the default is actually covered.
- At this point in time, Sweet Sylvie’s Baked Goods is focusing on developing a line of vegan options.
- Jennifer Fong was recommended for the promotion by each and every person on her team.
Part 2
Rewrite the following sentences to eliminate unnecessary nominalization.
- They completed the renovation with great efficiency and with great speed.
- She made the suggestion that we consider piloting four-day work weeks.
- Arash Gaspar, our finance principal, has an impressive collection of coins from around the world.
- Our researchers carried out interviews with several people who work in the hospitality industry.
- I would like to offer my congratulations to all the managers who participated in and completed the diversity training program.
- Barry Hoffman made the recommendation that all storage rooms be equipped with upgraded fire detectors.
Part 3
Rewrite the following sentences to correct errors in slang or outdated language.
- Michael Power really needs to step up his game since his sales quotas are not up to par.
- Please be advised that all supervisors are expected to attend the meeting on June 2 at 10 a.m.
- The document attached herewith is in requirement of your signature. We look forward to its timely reception.
- We pulled an all-nighter and carefully re-checked the addition because we did not want to screw up on the numbers.