3.13 Indirect Approach: Persuasion External Email
Poorly Written Persuasive Email
Examine and note the weaknesses in the poorly written email below.
Exercise
___________________________________________________________________
From: Sandra Garcia <sgarcia@yahoo.ca>
Sent: May 10, 2022 10:48 AM
To: Helen Price <hprice@showanddine.ca>
Subject: Theatre Dinner Package #3345 Disaster
___________________________________________________________________
Hi Helen:
I’m writing to tell you that I was very disappointed with the MamaMiaEats (#3345) package I purchased from you and that I want a refund.
I purchased your MamaMiaEats. Well, I was in for a surprise! The package was supposed to include two tickets to Mama Mia and an after-theatre dinner at Spego Restaurant.
When we got to Spego Restaurant there was a sign saying that the kitchen was closed ‘cuz they had a fire two weeks ago. We went to the restaurant after we saw the Mama Mia show, which I’ll grant you, that was good.
What to do? Since we were hungry, we went to a neighbouring restaurant. The food was okay, but it was expensive. Surely, you could have contacted us before to tell me that Spego Restaurant was closed. In fact, it is your obligation to meet the terms of your packages, so I demand a refund.
I’ve bought several packages from you before, but I assure you that I won’t be buying any more until I get a refund.
Please send the refund soon.
Sincerely,
Sandra Garcia
Sandra Garcia
416 555-4670
sgarcia@yahoo.ca
Well Written Persuasive Email
Examine the revised email and note the strategies used to improve it.
Example of Effective Persuasive Email
___________________________________________________________________
From: Sandra Garcia <sgarcia@yahoo.ca>
Sent: May 10, 2022 10:48 AM
To: Helen Price <hprice@showanddine.ca>
Subject: Theatre Dinner Package #3345
___________________________________________________________________
Dear Ms. Price:
As long-time members of Show and Dine, my partner and I have enjoyed several of the dinner and theatre packages offered through our membership.
A few weeks ago, we purchased your MamaMiaEats (#3345) package that included two tickets to the Mama Mia show and an after-theatre dinner at Spego Restaurant.
On May 2, we attended the Mama Mia production, which we enjoyed vey much. When we arrived at Spego Restaurant for our dinner, the host informed us that the kitchen was closed two weeks ago due to a kitchen fire. We were surprised that Show and Dine had not informed us of the closure and had not offered an alternative. Because we were hungry, we ate at a neighbouring restaurant, which was rather expensive.
Since we could not enjoy the entire MamaMiaEats package and since we incurred the extra cost eating at the neighbouring restaurant, we would like a full refund for the package.
I would like to continue purchasing Show and Dine packages in the future, so I am confident that you will grant my refund.
Sincerely,
Sandra Garcia
Sandra Garcia
416 555-4670
sgarcia@yahoo.ca