2.8 Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (or EI, also known as emotional quotient or EQ) has been found to be an important indicator of life and career success – more specifically, success in leadership. Developing your emotional intelligence skills will benefit your personal and professional relationships. EQ refers to a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions (Cherniss, 2000). This is different from intelligence quotient (IQ) in that IQ measures intelligence based on a score derived from intelligence tests. Emotional intelligence is the foundation of our interpersonal skills, and these skills are in high demand by employers.

Why is Emotional Intelligence Necessary for Success?

Contrary to previous thought, IQ is not a good predictor of job performance, happiness, or success. Goleman (1995) points out that if this myth were true, everyone who graduated at the top of their class with honors would be the most successful people. Because we know this isn’t the case, we know qualities other than just IQ can help predict success. Research by Bradberry and Greaves (2009) has shown that EQ makes up 58 percent of our job requirements and is the single biggest predictor of performance in the workplace and the strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence. Their research also showed that 90 percent of high performers at work had high EQ, while 20 percent of low performers had low EQ. In other words, you can be a high performer at work without EQ, but the chances are slimmer with low EQ. EQ research by Bradberry and Greaves shows a link between higher EQ and higher salary. In fact, for every point increase in EQ, there is a $1,300 per year increase in salary.

In one study performed by Virginia Tech (2005),  six hundred undergraduate computer science students and twenty institutions participated in a survey that measured emotional intelligence and the ability to handle demanding curriculum. Although emotional intelligence was not directly linked to academic success in the study, students with higher levels of emotional intelligence had more self-efficacy (belief in one’s own ability), which allowed them to handle problems better—creating higher academic success. For example, the ability to read body language and understand when someone is sad or mad and needs to talk is an emotional intelligence skill. These skills enable us to interact with others successfully. Consider a person who does not have a “filter” and continually puts down others and says exactly what is on their mind, even if it is hurtful. This clear lack of emotional intelligence affects this person’s ability to have good, healthy relationships, both at work and in their personal life.

In the video below, author and Pulitzer Prize nominee Daniel Goleman discusses the importance of emotional intelligence in career success.

_{Watch this video: Emotional Intelligence by Key Step Media [3:52](transcript available).}

As Daniel Goleman discusses in the video above, our EI/EQ can be more important to our success at work, at school, and in our personal relationships than our IQ. According to Goleman, many people believe that EI means “being nice”, however this misnomer “prevents leaders from having powerful, productive conversations that build up their ability to influence and lead in all their relationships” (Goleman, 2020). Goleman’s work outlines four key aspects of emotional intelligence necessary to creating better relationships: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management (Goleman, 1995).

The four steps of emotional intelligence build upon one another.

1. Self-awareness. Self-awareness refers to a person’s ability to understand their feelings from moment to moment. It might seem as if this is something we know, but we often go about our day without thinking or being aware of our emotions that impact how we behave in work or personal situations. Understanding our emotions can help us reduce stress and make better decisions, especially when we are under pressure. Self-awareness is also important to building diverse and inclusive relationships. “The key to embracing diversity with empathy is to better understand ourselves” (El-Attrash, 2017, p. 9).In addition, knowing and recognizing our own strengths and weaknesses is part of self-awareness. Assume that Pat is upset about a new process being implemented in the organization. Lack of self-awareness may result in her feeling angry and anxious, without really knowing why. High self-awareness EQ might help Pat to recognize that her anger and anxiety stem from the last time the organization changed processes and fifteen people were laid off. Part of self-awareness is the idea of positive psychological capital, which can include emotions such as hope, optimism (which results in higher confidence), and resilience (or the ability to bounce back quickly from challenges) (Luthans, 2002). Psychological capital can be gained through self-awareness and self-management, which is our next area of emotional intelligence.
2. Self-management. Self-management refers to our ability to manage our emotions and is dependent on our self-awareness ability. How do we handle frustration, anger, and sadness? Are we able to control our behaviors and emotions? Self-management also is the ability to follow through with commitments and take initiative at work. Someone who lacks self-awareness may project stress on others. For example, say that project manager Mae is very stressed about an upcoming Monday deadline. Lack of self-management may cause Mae to lash out at people in the office because of the deadline. Higher EQ in this area might result in Mae being calm, cool, and collected—to motivate her team to focus and finish the project on time. Considering the connection between leadership and management, relate self-management to self-leadership, and the ability we have to influence our own thoughts, emotions, and actions. Daniel Goleman and his colleagues have written an enlightening article about the impact a leader’s moods can have on an entire organization.
3. Social awareness. Social awareness is our ability to understand social cues that may affect others around us. In other words, understanding how another is feeling, even if we do not feel the same way. Social awareness also includes having empathy for another and recognizing power structure and unwritten workplace dynamics. Social awareness is akin to social radar. Most people high on social awareness have charisma and make people feel good with every interaction. For example, consider Erik’s behavior in meetings. He continually talks and does not pick up subtleties, such as body language. Because of this, he can’t understand (or even fathom) that his monologues can be frustrating to others. Erik, with higher EQ in social awareness, may begin talking but also spend a lot of time listening and observing in the meeting, to get a sense of how others feel. He may also directly ask people how they feel. This demonstrates high social awareness.
4. Relationship management. Relationship management refers to our ability to communicate clearly, maintain good relationships with others, connect with those from other cultures, work well in teams, and manage conflict. Relationship management relies on your ability to use the other three areas of EQ to manage relationships effectively. Take Caroline, for example. Caroline is good at reading people’s emotions and showing empathy for them, even if she doesn’t agree. As a leader, her door is always open and she makes it clear to colleagues and staff that they are welcome to speak with her anytime. If Caroline has low EQ in the area of relationship management, she may belittle people and have a difficult time being positive. She may not be what is considered a good team player, which shows her lack of ability to manage relationships.

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence, but we often confuse empathy with sympathy. Brené Brown explains empathy. and the connection it can create with others, in the short video below.

_{Watch this video: Brené Brown on Empathy by RSA [2:53](transcript available).}

Increase Self-Awareness

To increase self-awareness we should spend time thinking about our emotions to understand why we experience specific emotions. Journaling may be helpful in this process. If we look at those things that cause us strong emotional reactions, such as anger or anxiety, we can begin to understand the underlying reasons for our reactions. This introspection can alert us to patterns within ourselves, give us insight as to how our feelings may affect our behavior, and allow us to better manage those emotions when they arise.

Increase Self-Management (Self-Leadership)

To increase our self-management/self-leadership skills, we can also focus on the positive instead of the negative. Taking deep breaths increases blood flow, which helps us handle difficult situations. Although seemingly childish, counting to ten before reacting can help us manage emotions such as anger. This may provide the time we need to calm down and think about how we will handle the situation. Practicing positive self-talk can help increase our ability to lead ourselves into a better space emotionally, which can affect all areas of our lives. Self-talk refers to the thoughts we have about ourselves and situations throughout the day. Since we have over 60,000 thoughts per day getting into the habit of managing those thoughts is important (Tseng & Poppenk, 2020). Table 2.8.2 provides some examples of both positive and negative thoughts. By recognizing the negative thoughts, we can change them for the positive.

^{Table 2.8.1: Positive and Negative Thoughts}

Increasing social awareness means observing others’ actions to get a good sense of how they are reacting. We can gain social awareness skills by learning people’s names and making sure we watch body language. Living in the moment, practicing listening skills, and asking follow-up questions can also help improve our social awareness skills.

Increase Relationship Management

Strategies for relationship management might include being open, acknowledging another’s feelings, and showing that you care. Taking the time to really listen to colleagues and employees and understand them on a personal level can help enhance relationship management skills. Being willing to accept feedback and grow from that feedback can help people be more comfortable talking with you.

Emotional intelligence applies to all areas of our lives but is especially important to those leading in the midst of our fast-paced globally interconnected society. If leadership is about influence, then today’s leaders need emotional intelligence to connect with diverse groups of individuals in order to have any impact at all on others.

“Emotional Intelligence” in Beginning Human Relations by Laura Portolese Dias is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License , except where otherwise noted.