1.4: Use Your EARS: 4 Habits for Effective Listening

Before the Conversation

If possible, take a moment to imagine how a conversation might play out before it starts. You might make a list of facts you know and things you don’t know. You might brainstorm a few questions that you’d like answered. You might even imagine how a speaker will react to tough questions or imagine what their answers could possibly be.

Just remember that you’re only picturing possibilities. The point of a conversation is that the speaker has the opportunity to speak for themselves. Don’t get so caught up in your imagination that you become emotional or closed-minded about things that haven’t even been said. If you assume you know the other person’s answers before they speak, it may cause you overlook important new details or perspectives. Be sure to keep your mind–and your EARS–wide open.

EARS: 4 Habits for Effective Listening

EARS stands for: (1. ) Encourage the speaker”; (2.) “Ask questions”; (3.) “Read non-verbals”; and (4.) “Slow down.”

1. Encourage the speaker:

Be receptive to what the other person has to say, even if you’re not sure you agree. Remember, being receptive does not mean being passive. Give the speaker cues so that they know that you want to hear what they have to say. You might find yourself opening up to new perspectives if you encourage them to share theirs.

• Use verbal signals or words:
  • use small sounds to show support, appreciation, or understanding of what the speaker is saying.
  • if you need to clarify an important point, ask if you can reiterate the speaker’s words. Use a phrase like “Are you saying that…?” or “I hear you saying…Is that right?”
• Use non-verbal signals or body language:
  • make eye contact to show respectful attention;
  • smile or show appropriate reactions with your facial expression;
  • nod your head to show understanding and encouragement.

2. Ask questions:

Just as well-timed traffic lights create flow for vehicles and pedestrians on the street, this “traffic light” approach to asking questions can create flow in conversations and interviews.

Some questions encourage your partner to give detailed, information-rich answers. These are typically called “open-ended” questions. Some questions limit your partner to short, simple answers. These are typically called “closed-ended questions.” The secret is to ask the right kind of question at the right time. The “traffic light” approach to asking questions increases your options by elaborating on the idea of open/closed questions.

• Red light questions will stop the speaker’s flow. Their closed-ended structure implies that only brief, factual answers are needed.
  • These questions limit your partner to yes/no answers or other short, simple answers.
  • They are effective for confirming something that’s already been said or redirecting a speaker who is losing focus.
  • The risk of this approach is that too many red light questions in a row will shut down a conversation.
    • Ex. “Did you like the food?”

• Yellow light questions can speed up OR slow down the speaker. The effect depends on the specific question and how the respondent feels like answering.
  • These include 5WH questions (who? what? when? where? why? how?).
  • They are often effective for obtaining basic, factual information.
  • The risk of this approach is that, even though they indicate your interest, your partner might answer too concisely or abruptly.
    • Ex. “Where did you go after dinner?”

• Green light questions open up the conversation, encouraging the speaker to “go,” or say more.
  • These include TED questions (questions that start with “tell,” “explain,” or “describe”).
  • They are effective for establishing rapport or creating an overall mental model of an incident or event.
  • The risk of this approach is that your partner might over-share, creating an imbalanced conversation where they do all the talking.
    • Ex. “Tell me more about how your night went?”

While each type of question has its uses, the person asking the questions should use more green light and yellow light questions than red light questions. Just as green lights create flow in traffic, those open-ended, “green light” questions create flow in conversation.

3. Read non-verbals:

Experts estimate that 70%-90% of communication comes from signs and signals other than word choice.

• Watch for body language: eye contact, facial expression, blushing, sweating, hand gestures, body positioning, and posture
  • Does the speaker’s body language seem consistent with what their words are saying? Or does it seem to contradict it?
  • There are many reasons why a person’s body language might make a person seem anxious: avoiding eye contact is not always a sign of dishonesty.
  • Different cultures express body language differently:
    • what might seem disrespectful to you might be a sign of respect in another culture (ex. standing very close to another person).
    • what might seem respectful to you might appear aggressive or threatening to someone from a different background (ex. direct eye contact).

• Listen for vocal qualities: speed, pitch, tone, and volume
  • Do any of these qualities seem to change or intensify when a person discusses a particular topic or incident?
  • What could it mean if they suddenly start speaking louder and faster? If their voice suddenly sounds high-pitched and tight?
  • Is their manner of speaking consistent with the words that they’re using or story they’re telling?
  • If they’re describing a happy moment, do they sound calm and relaxed? Or do they sound angry or tense?

4. Slow down

Too often, we want to rush the other speaker so that we can have a turn. Resist the urge to force the flow. Slow down and really listen.

• Let the conversation unfold:
  • Avoid leading questions (questions that hint at the answer you want to hear).
  • Avoid imposing your own opinions or theories onto the speaker.
  • Avoid becoming over-excited, accusatory, or intimidating.
• Allow for occasional silences.
  • You might feel anxious at this prospect, but a brief silence gives you and the speaker an opportunity to collect your thoughts.
  • It also allows you both to process the other’s point of view.

If you feel the urge to rush the speaker or interrupt them, remember to take a breath and slow down!