What is Conflict?

This chapter begins with an overview of what conflict is, in this case, the struggle that happens when people feel they have incompatible goals, wants, demands, or needs. The focus then moves to types of conflict you are likely to experience—such as structural, relationship, or interactional—as you try to communicate interpersonally in modern work settings.

You will learn about the five phases of conflict, including prelude, triggering event, initiation differentiation, and resolution. This knowledge allows you to take a step back from a conflict situation to understand where you are so you can make better choices that enhance interpersonal communication instead of further fuel conflict.

Similarly, you will learn about common reactions to conflict. Some of these reactions help to diffuse the situation, for example, postponing, fogging, or coalition formation. You’ll also gain knowledge about approaches like gunnysacking, backstabbing, or threats that can escalate or worsen the conflict.

Competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating are the categories of styles or approaches people typically use to manage conflict.

Finally, the chapter winds down with a review of group conflict resolution strategies, with a detailed section on the usefulness of active listening.

For the interpersonal communicator, this chapter provides an opportunity to develop knowledge and skill in how to use conflict to clarify and improve communication, instead of having conflict lead to stalemates and further communication breakdown.

The word “conflict” produces a sense of anxiety for many people, but it is part of the human experience. Conflict is inevitable, but we can improve our handling of disagreements, misunderstandings, and struggles in the workplace to make it easier to manage when it does occur. Hocker and Wilmot (1991) offer us several principles on conflict that have been adapted here for our discussion:

• Conflict is universal.
• Conflict is associated with incompatible goals.
• Conflict is associated with scarce resources.
• Conflict is associated with interference.
• Conflict is not a sign of a poor relationship.
• Conflict cannot be avoided.
• Conflict cannot always be resolved.
• Conflict is not always bad.

McLean (2005) defines conflict as the physical or psychological struggle associated with the perception of opposing or incompatible goals, desires, demands, wants, or needs. When incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference are present, conflict often results, but it doesn’t mean the relationship is poor or failing. All relationships progress through times of conflict and collaboration. The way we navigate and negotiate these challenges influences, reinforces, or destroys the relationship. Rather than viewing conflict negatively, view it as an opportunity for clarification and growth.

Types of Conflict

Conflict can arise for a variety of reasons. Usually, the conflicts you encounter in the workplace are one of these seven types:

Structural

• Problems with the way a situation is set up (i.e., who is involved, geographical and physical relationships, unequal power and authority, impact of underlying processes, impact of external events).

For example, structural reasons for conflict could be things such as difficulty setting times to meet with colleagues who are in different time zones, one person thinks they are “in charge” but other members of the group don’t agree, the business processes take a lot of time to implement so it is is hard to get things done on time, etc.

Relationship

• Often a cause of conflict, relationship conflict may arise from poor communication, stereotyping, misconceptions, and time constraints.

For example, relationship triggers for a conflict could resemble the following scenarios: a couple of group members do not answer emails in a timely way, holding up progress for others; someone assumes that a certain person’s disability will prevent them from participating in a project, without asking the person what they feel confident in doing; a supervisor moves up a deadline so that the group is under increasing time pressure, etc.

Interaction

• Some people have not developed their skills in interacting with others.This can be a source of conflict, particularly when one’s needs are not met by others. Interaction challenges can lead to negative responses such as avoidance and attack.

For example, interaction triggers can occur when a solitary worker is required to work in a team-oriented culture or when a worker doesn’t realize that their poor time-management skills are affecting the team’s ability to complete a project on time.

Values and Identity

• We all have different values and perceptions. When these do not align within a working group, or when they are challenged, they can cause conflict.

For example, values-and-identity triggers can occur when a colleague tells another that their method is “wrong” or when a worker refuses to work on a project because it doesn’t align with their personal beliefs (i.e., there is misalignment with the person’s political or religious views).

Data

• Lack of information, or conflicting information, causes considerable conflict in the workplace.

For example, data triggers can occur in an instance where a manager has told a subordinate what the deliverables of a project are, but another team member has been instructed by a different manager with a different set of goals.

Cultural

• Cultural conflict arises when there is misunderstanding of group norms, confusion over language and communication styles, or underlying trust is missing.

For example, cultural triggers can occur when a new employee joins a workplace where the business culture is different from the one she left, or when people from different cultural backgrounds work on the same team but misunderstand meanings because of language barrier.

The Five Phases of Conflict

When you experience conflict at work, you may notice that there are five distinct stages, as follows:

1. Prelude
2. Triggering Event
3. Initiation
4. Differentiation
5. Resolution

To give you some context, we’ll examine a workplace conflict scenario.

First, we need to identify the prelude to the conflict. What is the scene, and who is involved? Here we know that we have two male colleagues working at the same level within the organization. We have no third parties involved, but the setting is relatively public. The two men sit at desks in an open office, so it is likely that others in the environment overheard the exchange.

Second, we need to identify the triggering event. The following variables are some examples of triggering events:

• a rebuff—asking for an action that is not met
• an illegitimate demand—imposing wants and needs on another person
• criticism—finding fault with others’ action
• non-cumulative annoyance—realizing differences in attitude and opinions
• cumulative annoyance—realizing recurring differences
• mutual cumulative annoyance—mutually involved in creating recurring annoyances

On this occasion the main triggering event is a rebuff. Connor tried to line up a meeting with Adam several times, but Adam did not follow through. However, some of these other triggers are also playing a part here. Management has imposed needs on Adam, an an introverted person who prefers to work in a solitary way and, thus, doesn’t really want to comply with being Connor’s “buddy.” There are also recurring differences between the two men’s working styles. But these are secondary to the primary event.

Third, we need to consider the initiation phase. Now that Connor has perceived the triggering event, he has three options. He can either

1. confront Adam,
2. avoid the issue, or
3. take another action.

Conflict is needed to clarify the issue, but, naturally, Connor feels a bit angry and anxious about the situation. He is unaware of the anxiety and frustration that Adam is also feeling. His perception is that Adam doesn’t like him or doesn’t want to be helpful, but the reality is that Adam is not comfortable being a work buddy, because of his solitary nature—and he is struggling to express this in a productive way. Connor’s anxiety about the situation could lead him to avoid the issue altogether, depending on his personality.

Fourth, we need to consider the differentiation phase. This is the phase where the conflict is contained, agreed, or escalated. The conflict could be

• passed—in the sense that the issue is ignored or dropped (for example, Connor could decide not to say anything and forget about the problem);
• refocused—whereby a complaint is made but the responsibility for it is put onto an external party (for example, Connor could ask his line manager, Eve, to sort out the problem); or
• mitigated—in the sense that a complaint is made but worked out (for example, Connor and Adam could discuss the issues, perhaps with a third-party such as Eve, to come to an agreement). If this is to work, both parties need to be responsive during the conversation, using active listening techniques and validating each other’s points of view during interactions.

Lastly, we need to look at the resolution phase. In this step the conflict is resolved. There are two possible outcomes:

• Resolution: This is the best-case scenario, a win–win. In this outcome, both parties are satisfied and will not need to deal with the situation again. For example, in this situation, a resolution might be found by matching up Connor with a “buddy” whose working style is more closely aligned with his own.
• Management: This is a less preferred scenario, in that a solution has been found but one party is unsatisfied with it. It is likely that, with this outcome, the issue will arise again. For example, in Adam and Connor’s conflict, their line manager might tell Adam that mentoring Connor is part of his job and that he will be disciplined if he does not comply. Perhaps she will sit in on their first meeting to make sure this happens. In this case, Adam will be unsatisfied and is likely to cause some discomfort between the two men.

Reactions to Conflict

We all react to conflict in our own way, depending on aspects of our personality, our culture, and our previous experiences. Some reactions to conflict can make the issues worse. It is important to check your own behaviour as well as the behaviour of others when you are experiencing conflict. Here are some ways that people react to conflict:

Reactions that can diffuse conflict

Reactions that can make conflict worse

Conflict Management Style

In order to better understand the elements of the five styles of conflict management, we will apply each to the following scenario:

Here are some tips for collaborating and achieving a win–win outcome (Hargie, 2011):

• Do not view the conflict as a contest you are trying to win.
• Remain flexible and realize there are solutions yet to be discovered.
• Distinguish the people from the problem (don’t make it personal).
• Determine what the underlying needs are that are driving the other person’s demands (needs can still be met through different demands).
• Identify areas of common ground or shared interests that you can work from to develop solutions.
• Ask questions to allow them to clarify and to help you understand their perspective.
• Listen carefully and provide verbal and non-verbal feedback.

Strategies for Resolving Conflict

In Groups

Since we know that conflict will happen and that it can strengthen relationships when handled correctly, we would do well to set up ground rules for handling it when it does, inevitably, arise. When people believe strongly about the outcomes they are trying to reach, conflict is more likely to arise, so, conflict can sometimes be an indicator of an engaged and passionate group that will ultimately be successful.

• Outline conflict management strategies when the group first comes together.
• Establish good communication from the start.
• Take notes and/or have someone create meeting minutes for the record.
• Focus on timely issues rather than bringing problems from the past or worries for the future into the conversation.
• On topics of conflict, clarify each member’s position.
• Acknowledge emotional topics and establish the root of a person’s emotional response.
• Have each member outline the facts and assumptions on which their position is based.
• At the end of conversations and meetings, establish next actions and responsibilities.
• Organize smaller discussions among subsets of members and then bring suggestions to the larger group.
• To reach consensus in the large group, take a vote.

With Challenging People

We all have to work with challenging people from time to time. Someone’s negative attitude or unwillingness to co-operate can cause stress and friction for colleagues and teams. Though it’s much easier said than done, try not to let these people get to you. Sometimes the adage that your parents might have told you, “Kill them with kindness,” really is the best way to handle this! However you choose to handle this, it is imperative that you remain professional at all times. If you don’t, you’ll be risking your reputation, too. Here are some tips for dealing with difficult people at work:

Consider why the person is behaving this way.

Think back to what you learned about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Often, when a person directs anger towards you, it is not about you at all, but about some other problem in their day or an unmet need. When people lash out, they do so, frequently, because they feel threatened or perceive that they are not being heard. Can you change your approach to remove these barriers? You may be able to improve communication by doing so.

Check your own behaviour.

Did you wake up “on the wrong side of the bed” this morning? Sometimes we give off negative feelings without really meaning to. Think about how your tone and language might have provoked a response. If you do realize that you were responsible for a negative interaction, apologize and ask if you can start over. This can reduce bad feelings and get communication back on track.

Speak in private

It will be uncomfortable for you and the person you are struggling to communicate with to have a difficult conversation when the whole office can hear you. Ask the person politely if you can have a chat in private to see if you can resolve the issue. Importantly, when you sit down together, be cautious about the language you use. Use “I” rather than “you”-focused wording. For example, “I feel like there might be some tension between us…” rather than “You were so rude to me this morning!”

Focus on the actionable items.

Also, when you speak, make sure not to blame, accuse, or dredge up past experiences. Attend to the current issue only.

Find common ground.

One of the best ways to build rapport with someone is to find out what you have in common. Sharing a laugh over a favourite movie that you share or a tip for a hobby that you have in common can break the ice and get the conversation flowing more naturally.

Get reinforcements or support.

If you don’t feel able to resolve the negativity on your own, get some help. You can either speak to a colleague that you trust, or to a superior. Do make sure you approach this in a way that does not look like gossiping or complaining, though. The goal here is to find a resolution to a problem, not to badmouth another person. Ask for advice from someone you trust, privately, about how they would handle the situation. Or if things have become so uncomfortable that you need someone else to speak to the person who you are in conflict with, you may need to ask a superior to intervene.

Minimize encounters.

If you are unable to resolve the matter with the person privately and you’re not sure how else to handle the problem, sometimes the simplest way to handle this is to minimize the amount of time that you need to spend together. Be cordial and do not make a point to avoid the person, but try to work on different projects to minimize opportunities for conflict. This isn’t the ideal solution, though!

Active Listening

Active listening starts before you receive a message. Active listeners make strategic choices to set up ideal listening conditions. You can manage physical and environmental noises by moving locations or by manipulating the lighting, temperature, or furniture, for example. Avoid scheduling important listening activities during times (or in conditions/environments) when you anticipate psychological or physiological noise that would pose a distraction. For example, we often know when we’re going to be hungry, full, more awake, less awake, more anxious, or less anxious; planning in  advance can prevent the presence of these barriers.

In terms of cognitive barriers to effective listening, we can prime ourselves to listen by analyzing a listening situation before it begins. For example, you could ask yourself the following questions:

• What are my goals for listening to this message?
• How does this message relate to me?
• What listening type and style are most appropriate for this message?

Effective listeners must work to maintain focus as much as possible and refocus when attention shifts or fades (Wolvin and Coakley, 1993). One way to do this is to find the motivation to listen. If you can identify intrinsic and or extrinsic motivations for listening to a particular message, then you will be more likely to remember the information presented. Ask yourself how a message could leave an impression on your life, your career, your intellect, or your relationships. As we ponder such implications, we can overcome our tendency toward selective attention.

Listening techniques can help with concentration and memory. Mental bracketing refers to the process of intentionally separating out intrusive or irrelevant thoughts that may distract you from listening (McCornack, 2007). This requires that we monitor our concentration and attention and be prepared to let thoughts that aren’t related to a speaker’s message pass through our minds without our giving them much attention. Mnemonic devices are techniques that can aid in information recall (Hargie, 2011). Starting in ancient Greece and Rome, educators used these devices to help people remember information. They work by imposing order and organization on information. Three main mnemonic devices are acronyms, rhymes, and visualization.

Tips to Improve Active Listening

Julian Treasure’s short TED Talk, 5 Ways to Listen Better, provides helpful tips and guidelines to improve your own active listening skills. Watch it below or at https://tinyurl.com/yd3afhop

Active Listening Behaviours

We can prepare for active listening in advance and engage in certain cognitive strategies to help us listen better. We also engage in active listening behaviours as we receive and process messages.

Eye contact is a key sign of active listening. Speakers usually interpret a listener’s eye contact as a signal of attentiveness. While a lack of eye contact may indicate inattentiveness, it can also signal cognitive processing. When we look away to process new information, we usually do it unconsciously. Be aware, however, that your conversational partner may interpret this as not listening. If you really do need to take a moment to think about something, you could indicate that to the other person by saying, “That’s new information to me. Give me just a second to think through it.” An occasional head nod and “uh-huh” signal that you are paying attention. However, when we give these cues as a form of “autopilot” listening, others can usually tell that we are pseudo-listening, and whether they call us on it or not, that impression could lead to negative judgments.

A more direct way to indicate active listening is to reference previous statements made by the speaker. Norms of politeness usually call on us to reference a past statement or connect to the speaker’s current thought before starting a conversational turn. Being able to summarize what someone said to ensure that the topic has been satisfactorily covered and understood or being able to segue in such a way that validates what the previous speaker said helps regulate conversational flow. Asking probing questions is another way to directly indicate listening and to keep a conversation going, since they encourage and invite a person to speak more. You can also ask questions that seek clarification and not just elaboration. Speakers should present complex information at a slower speaking rate than familiar information, but many will not. Remember that your non-verbal feedback can be useful for a speaker, as it signals that you are listening but also whether or not you understand. If a speaker fails to read your nonverbal feedback, you may need to follow up with verbal communication in the form of paraphrased messages and clarifying questions.

As active listeners, we want to be excited and engaged, but don’t let excitement manifest itself in interruptions. Being an active listener means knowing when to maintain our role as listener and resist the urge to take a conversational turn.

Note-taking can also indicate active listening. Translating information through writing into our own cognitive structures and schemata allows us to better interpret and assimilate information. Of course, note-taking isn’t always a viable option. It would be fairly awkward to take notes during a first date or a casual exchange between new coworkers. But in some situations where we wouldn’t normally consider taking notes, a little awkwardness might be worth it for the sake of understanding and recalling the information. For example, many people don’t think about taking notes when getting information from their doctor or banker. To help facilitate your note-taking, you might say something like “Do you mind if I jot down some notes? This seems important.”

Active listening is exhibited through verbal and non-verbal cues, including steady eye contact with the speaker; smiling; slightly raised eyebrows; upright posture; body position that is leaned in toward the speaker; non-verbal cues such as head nods; verbal cues such as “OK,” “mmhmm,” or “oh”; and a lack of distracting mannerisms like doodling or fidgeting (Hargie, 2011).

Preventing Conflict with Good Business Etiquette

There are certain expectations and unwritten rules for presenting yourself in a business context, known as business etiquette. These vary depending on the culture and the level of formality of the environment, but overlooking them can cause conflict and misunderstanding. For example, in some cultures the handshake is seen as overly formal, but in North America it is the standard professional greeting. Keeping the following tips in mind when navigating the professional environment in North America will help you to maintain positive, conflict-free relationships.

• Be on time. Tardiness is frowned-upon in our time-conscious culture.
• Don’t interrupt. When people are speaking, make eye contact and show that you are listening. If you have something to add, don’t interject. Rather, wait until the person has finished speaking to add your comments.
• Dress professionally. Make sure your clothes are clean and pressed, and dress at or slightly above the level of formality that your colleagues do.
• Unplug during meetings. There are few faux pas worse than being that person in a meeting who is so busy texting or reading emails that he doesn’t look up when someone speaks to him. This is not only impolite but will also cause you to miss key information because your focus is elsewhere.
• Watch your language. Never raise your voice in the workplace, and make sure not to use foul language in a professional environment.
• Show gratitude. It is surprising how often people neglect to say please and thank you, or to send a thank-you note or email when someone does something to help you. This will make them feel appreciated and more inclined to help you out in future.
• Remember names. A trick to help you remember the name of a person you just met is to use their name three times in the first conversation you have. Make a note of someone’s name or get their business card.
• Leave your habits at home. Nail biting or trimming, smoking, chewing tobacco, chewing gum loudly, talking with your mouth full, spitting, wiping your hands on your clothes, blowing your nose loudly in an open office—these are all unpleasant habits that your colleagues don’t want to witness. Please keep your professional hat on at all times in a workplace and avoid these!

Key Takeaways and Check Ins

This chapter introduced you to the definition, types, and five phases of conflict. You learned that some reactions to conflict can diffuse conflict, while others can escalate it.

You learned about the various conflict management styles and had an opportunity to uncover which style most closely matches your conflict management preference. You also learned about group conflict resolution strategies as well as how active listening and etiquette can be an effective conflict management and interpersonal communication tool.

Check In

Read the scenario and answer the questions based on the scenario.

Scenario

Jane is the new power tools department manager for a large national home improvement store. She came into the position from another company directly into this managerial role and has been working at this home improvement store for about six months. At one of the weekly team meetings, after Jane announces a major decision about the strategic direction for the department, Dennis—who has worked at this store for 10 years—exclaims that he thinks this decision was the wrong one. Jane is flustered but decides, rather than risking the potential for an argument in front of the whole department, to acknowledge Dennis’s comment but move on with the meeting. After the meeting Jane asks Dennis to meet her in her office the next day.

Dennis believes he is going to be reprimanded for speaking his mind. He wonders why he is being singled out. After all, he is committed to the department but feels his experience has been completely overlooked in Jane’s planning. He is skeptical that someone who has not been with the company for very long could possibly know how to improve things.

During the private meeting Dennis asks Jane why she wanted to meet. Jane expresses her disappointment in his response to the announcement the day before. Dennis crosses his arms and says, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but if you knew what you were doing, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Jane’s voice increases in volume, and she tells Dennis that his behaviour and disrespect will not be tolerated. She tells him that he can either shape up and work with the team, or find another job. When faced with the possibility that it could mean losing his job, Dennis replies, “Fine. We will go with your plan.”

Further Reading, Links, and Attribution

• The Boston Globe’s Boston.com site offers tips on handling conflict in the workplace from management consultant Sue Lankton-Rivas

References

Bach, G., & Wyden, P. (1968). The intimate enemy: How to fight fair in love and marriage. New York, NY: Avon.

Bobot, L. (2010). Conflict management in buyer‐seller relationships. Conflict resolution quarterly, 27(3), 291–319.

Cai, D., & Fink, E. (2002). Conflict style differences between individualists and collectivists. Communication Monographs, 69(1), 67–87.

Hargie, O. (2011). Skilled interpersonal interaction: Research, theory, and practice. London: Routledge.

Hocker, J., & Wilmot, W. (1991). Interpersonal conflict. Dubuque, IA: William C. Brown.

Isenhart, M., & Spangle, M. (2000). Collaborative approaches to resolving conflict. Sage.

Johnson, K. L., & Roloff, M. E. (2000). Correlates of the perceived resolvability and relational consequences of serial arguing in dating relationships: Argumentative features and the use of coping strategies. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17(4-5), 676–686.

Macintosh, G., & Stevens, C. (2008). Personality, motives, and conflict strategies in everyday service encounters. International Journal of Conflict Management, 19(2), 112–131.

McCornack, S. (2010). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston: Bedford.

McLean, S. (2005). The basics of interpersonal communication. Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Sillars, A. L. (1980). Attributions and communication in roommate conflicts. Communications Monographs, 47(3), 180–200.

Thomas, K. W. (1974). Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode instrument. Tuxedo, NY: Xicom.

Wolvin, A. D., & Coakley, C. G. (1993). A listening taxonomy. Perspectives on listening, 15–22.

Attribution Statement (Conflict Resolution)

This chapter is a remix containing content from a variety of sources published under a variety of open licenses, including the following:

Chapter Content

• Original content contributed by the Olds College OER Development Team, of Olds College to Professional Communications Open Curriculum under a CC-BY 4.0 license
• derivative work created by Anonymous for Conflict in the Work Environment; in Communication for Business Success (Canadian Edition), published at http://2012books.lardbucket.org/books/communication-for-business-success-canadian-edition/s20-06-conflict-in-the-work-environme.html under a CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 license
• derivative work of content created by Anonymous for Conflict and Interpersonal Communication; in A Primer on Communication Studies, published at http://2012books.lardbucket.org/books/a-primer-on-communication-studies/s06-02-conflict-and-interpersonal-com.html under a CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 license
• derivative work of content created by Anonymous for Managing Conflict; in An Introduction to Group Communication, published at http://2012books.lardbucket.org/books/an-introduction-to-group-communication/s12-managing-conflict.html under a CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 license
• derivative work of content created by Anonymous for Improving Listening Competence; in A Primer in Communication Studies, published at http://2012books.lardbucket.org/books/a-primer-on-communication-studies/s05-03-improving-listening-competence.html under a CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 license

Check Your Understandings

• Original assessment items contributed by the Olds College OER Development Team, of Olds College to Professional Communications Open Curriculum under a CC-BY 4.0 license