9 You Count Too: Reflections on Navigating Dual Identities as Disabled Students and Teaching Assistants – Celeste Suart & Jess H.
The following is an edited transcript of a short conversation via Microsoft Teams.
Celeste: Hello! My name is Celeste. I’m a PhD candidate in biochemistry at McMaster. I’ve been a Teaching Assistant for four years. I’m also disabled. I’ve had formal accommodation since undergrad, so I’ve had about nine years of navigating the accommodations system here at Mac, both as a student and a TA. I’m going to be chatting with my friend Jess today about being a teaching assistant with a disability.
Jess: I’m Jess! I’m a PhD candidate in anthropology. I research ancient DNA. I have been a student for years and TA for 6 years and I recently realized I have a disability as well. So, I’m a little bit new to understanding the label there.
Celeste: Woohoo! Congrats!
Jess: Yeah! Happy to be here to chat about this.
Celeste: To start us off, how has your dual role as a student and a teaching assistant changed how you view academic accommodations? As you said, you’re a little bit newer to seeing yourself in this dual role.
Jess: I would say from the perspective of a student, my struggles with things like depression and anxiety have helped me to, I hope, better empathize with students that might be in similar situations. Also, trying to think about how as a teaching assistant I might be able to provide more accessible kinds of opportunities.
I went through the process of getting accommodations just this spring. But you know, I understand the discomfort with getting official help. It takes a lot out of you, like sending that e-mail, filing paperwork, and just dealing with something else when you’re already dealing with enough.
Celeste: It’s like living life, and then on top of that, trying to do the accommodations process. I feel exhausted after meetings to set up or modify my accommodations; worrying about making sure my paperwork is in order and I have everything filled out correctly takes a lot of time and energy. It’s a lot.
Jess: Yeah, I guess just sort of understanding how this all works and the uncomfortable parts as well, even though accommodations are a good thing to have. I didn’t realize that I would cry in my accommodations meeting and after as well. Having to describe things that were really hard for me and why I was asking for this accommodation.
Celeste: Yeah. To access accommodations, you need to give so much of yourself up and open up to another human who you may have met just for the first time. That’s the barrier to entry for folks.
We’re able to empathize with students who are going through that process. We can say, “Been there, it sucks. Once you’re through, the accommodations are gonna be really helpful.” But that doesn’t change how much that being vulnerable is really shitty.
Jess: I very much agree. Some folks are sort of flippantly being like, “Go get accommodations, it’s easy.” No, it’s kind of a whole thing.
Celeste: It can take months, and that’s if you have your documentation ahead of time. I had accommodations in high school, so I already knew the drill when I came to the university system.
But for folks who are discovering their identities and what support they can use for the first time in university, it can be very overwhelming to start from scratch.
Jess: I would also note that I had a really good experience with the people at Student Accessibility Services (SAS), but it’s still hard. It still was uncomfortable. So then, how do you think we can better normalize disabilities and accommodations?
Celeste: I think one of the big things is not having accessibility as an afterthought. For so many instructors, accessibility is the standard, mandatory text about SAS on the last page of their syllabus. They didn’t consciously put it there.
On the flip side, I’ve been in courses where instructors have brought up accessibility on the first day of class. Someone saying, “Please come talk to me whether you’re registered with SAS or not. Let me know what I can do to help you learn best,” lets me know this is going to be a safe instructor to talk about accommodations with. What about you, Jess?
Jess: I think normalizing disability is about making people feel like they matter. Again, I just recently realized that I fall under this umbrella of disability. For so long, I didn’t realize I was someone who could access accommodations. When you support people to feel like they count, that they can ask for help and they’ll get support, that goes a long way. Does that make sense?
Celeste: Totally! There are so many folks who could benefit from different accommodations that are widespread throughout the university, but they don’t know those services exist or they’re uncomfortable with the label of disability. Which I get, I know it took time for me to be proud of that identity. It’s a journey for everyone.
However, because some folks are uncomfortable with the label “disability” or worried about possible discrimination if they were to identify as disabled, they don’t want to access any related services. Or something I’ve heard from folks is that they don’t want to “take away resources from folks who actually need them”. There are many reasons folks may not want to identify as disabled, or engage with services – it’s complicated. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach that works for everyone. But I wish there was a way to disconnect that stigma, so that more folks could get the resources they need so they can learn at their best.
Jess: Yeah, I would also say, you know, if people are comfortable talking about their accommodations and identity, having conversations can be part of normalizing and destigmatizing things. Only if folks are comfortable though, that’s not the right call for everyone.
If I knew more folks who talked about the accommodations they receive for anxiety and depression, I would have been like, “Oh you’re similar to me, and you’re getting an accommodation. Maybe I could get one too.” Or I could ask them about their experience and think about whether that would be something that I want.
Celeste: Asking someone who has gone through the process can make it seem less daunting. But also like, I don’t disclose the details of my disability when I’m teaching or even in this zine piece. I talk in generalities because I’ve been burnt before. It’s that delicate balance of trying to find community and connection while also staying safe.
Jess: I agree. I’ve previously written about my experiences anonymously, because I wanted to have a certain amount of protection as well. So, I very much understand that.
Celeste: So, what kind of recommendations would you have for faculty, teaching assistants, or staff wondering what they can do to improve education for disabled students in their classes?
Jess: I guess I’d say be open to learning? You need to understand that you’re never gonna know everything about accessibility, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try hard to make your teaching accessible. Like, I recently learned about accessible text for screen readers and like, how did I not know that? So, keep learning and don’t be too hard on yourself.
I’m lucky because I have all these resources. I have you, Celeste, I have people at the MacPherson Institute, and I have other teaching assistants. One of my tips for teaching assistants would be to talk to other TAs about accessibility, because they might have a great idea that you’ve never thought of.
Celeste: We’re a bit biased because we met while working at the MacPherson Institute, but yes. Go to the MacPherson Institute. They have people there who can help you learn about accessible teaching practices.
Jess: Totally. Accessible teaching can take a lot of preparation, and often people are overworked and trying to do a million things. Sometimes you don’t feel like fixing the captions, you’re exhausted. But then you circle back to what your teaching beliefs are, and know accessibility is important.
Celeste: On the flip side, it’s okay to need extra time to do things like that as a TA. Oftentimes there’s the assumption that it’s students who have the disability and that faculty, teaching assistants, and educational staff, they can’t be disabled. You have your own access needs. So, if you need that extra time or support to put those captions on, that’s alright.
Oftentimes access needs will conflict and navigating that can be tricky. For example, I was in a class where some students needed captions on videos to understand what was being said, but others couldn’t watch videos with captions because the captions made them lose focus. These access needs were directly opposite to each other, but all students needed to be able to watch the course content. We ended up using closed captions which could be toggled on or off, so students could pick what worked best for them. There can be disabled folks on all sides of teaching conversations.
Jess: That’s so true because again, I was thinking “Oh. But do I count? No, I should be the TA that does everything.”
Celeste: You totally count.
Jess: Yeah. I’m glad you said that. What about you, Celeste? Any final thoughts?
Celeste: I think the one thing I’ll add is just acknowledging that, statistically, you are going to be teaching disabled folks. I’ve been told by folks that “People with disabilities, they don’t study the sciences. We can’t accommodate lab work.”
Just acknowledging that you currently have disabled students in your class right now and had them previously can help. Maybe you didn’t do a great job with accommodation then. But now that you know better, you can do better. Taking a small step to improve is better than no change at all.
Jess: I 100% agree. One step at a time. We’re all learning, be kind to yourself.
Celeste: I think that’s a very good way to end it. We’re all learning, be kind to yourself.
Jess: Perfect.