Peer support entered my life in a covert way, unassuming and undefined. I never called it peer support, for the term has always felt too limited to describe the life-changing support my friends and family have given me throughout my life: three-hour discussions on my childhood bed with my sister, while she provided a safe space for me to let out my deepest insecurities, nodding and validating and nodding and validating; emotional conservations on Sally, our orange and red-striped couch at my student house, while friends guided me through struggles with my identity. For me to call my closest supporters, my best friends and dearest family members, ‘peers’ felt almost like I was devaluing them—they were so much more. In speaking to seven incredible high school and university students about peer support, I’ve come to have a deeper appreciation for peer support. For myself, the term ‘peer support’ began to take on an entirely new identity and energy. I hope that with this piece, you too begin to engage in reflection about peer support and recognize this form of love and care as profound, spiritually significant, and transformative, regardless of how it may look within your own life.

Before university, I hadn’t known the difference between formal and informal peer support work; I hadn’t even been exposed to ‘formal’ peer work, whereby a volunteer or paid employee would provide peer support in a professional space. It was only when I started a nonprofit for disabled youth, Disable the Difference,^[1] that I began to learn what support through shared lived experience looks like. Further, being able to interview folks from my organization allowed me to connect to peer support in a new way and witness its evolution through the COVID-19 pandemic. In this piece, I hope to take you along in my journey of reflection, exploration, and discovery as I describe what I’ve learned from interviewing seven students about their experiences with peer support before and during the pandemic.

What is Peer Support?

Peer support has always been difficult to define for me. What constitutes being a peer and what does not? Is peer support simply a formalized term for helping each other out when we are struggling? How does peer support differ from venting to your closest friend? These are all questions I have wrestled with especially in writing this piece.

One interviewee (who wished to remain anonymous) explained that peer support means being in a space where others share your experiences and you can support each other, and being able to draw strength from those who understand some aspect of your lived experience. Emunah similarly defined peer support as a continuum of support for two people who share lived experience. This could mean chatting with a friend to more formalized peer support work within a service or agency. It involves two people who share lived experience: “There is power and knowledge in lived experience,” they said profoundly. We don’t have to rely on people with degrees and certifications for a space to share our lives and struggles, and often, these services (at least in-person services) are inaccessible to many folks. “Being able to listen and relate to others,” was Catherine’s response to my question about defining peer support. She further detailed the importance of listening and recognizing the differences between you and the other person—it is not only about what you share in common, but also acknowledging your boundaries and unique differences that you cannot fully relate to. This was such an important point that I hadn’t considered before. Trying to relate to an experience that is not your own can at times be counterproductive and even harmful to the person you are supporting and yourself. However, you can still engage in a process of empathy and validation. Furthermore, Carly believes that the pandemic has made us a lot more empathetic and understanding of how circumstances affect groups of people differently. Although she concluded her thought there, I was left thinking about this insight for a while. Specifically, the pandemic has illuminated existing healthcare access disparities disproportionately faced by vulnerable populations, which has supported my personal knowledge and empathy development. Our strengthened empathy has allowed us to provide better peer support as we have become more cognizant of the issues our peers might be going through. For example, some of us have become much more aware of how our words and actions might affect the individual we are supporting – I’ve seen this growth even within myself, which I am truly so grateful for.

Crystal, the only high school interviewee, added another unique lens to peer support. She said that peer support involves understanding someone else and finding ways to prioritize their needs while also not self-sacrificing. She noted that peer support should not have any hidden intentions such as getting someone to change their behaviour or make a particular decision that aligns with your own values; like Catherine, she noted the importance of simply being there for someone else. Emunah deepened yet also complicated this perspective by noting the bidirectionality of peer support. While being there for someone else might predominantly involve listening, it will also involve sharing and disclosing the impacts that certain experiences have had on you. Peer support is as much about relating to your own experiences as it is about being there to listen to others’. Orli contextualized her answer to the support she provides to her Disable the Difference buddy. She explained that peer support was a way to lift herself and others up during the pandemic. In virtual school, it was hard to reach teachers and it also became super lonely at home. Peer support helped to fill in this gap.

Informal and Formal Peer Support

After defining peer support, my conversations with interviewees explored what peer support looks like, where it happens, and the work it involves. I found that many interviewees struggled with identifying their past work as peer support. They too were cemented in the idea that peer support could only be formal, and that their support of classmates, friends, and family didn’t count. When I affirmed to them that their experiences would most definitely qualify as peer support, many of them expressed shock yet also felt validated. Sometimes, informal peer support relationships can come to feel less reciprocal or bidirectional. When that happens, informal peer support is taken for granted by those receiving support, although it requires an immense amount of energy, emotional labour, and giving of yourself. Peer support has been normalized as a built-in expectation within friendships and familial relationships, and it is integral that we appreciate it more. Throughout these interviews, I have also realized the importance of legitimizing informal peer work as equally important to formal work. This legitimacy may help folks who receive support to acknowledge the amount of labour that peer support requires, and in turn, recognize when their needs overstep the boundaries of their friends and family. It also helps folks consider the ways they might reciprocate, express gratitude for support offered, and seek consent around whether someone has the energy to provide support. In addition, it may offer peer support providers recognition for their labour by employers as a great deal of peer support in the workplace often goes unrecognized.

Finally, Carly brought to light an important point that distinguishes peer support from empathetic conversations. Peer support, at least formalized/structured peer support provided by paid workers or unpaid volunteers through parameters set by an organization, is something that you can rely on, a constant in your life that you can consistently turn to. This was integral to her buddy at Disable the Difference, as he could really rely on Carly for weekly conversations and connections. In the constantly changing world of COVID, this consistency was invaluable for both her buddy and herself. Crystal emphasized the importance of respect in these empathetic conversations; instead of pitying the other person, we must have a level of respect and dignity for them, regardless of their age and communication styles. Moreover, when peer support is formal and potentially more unidirectional or set to focus more heavily on one person’s needs than another, there’s a risk of this relationship becoming hierarchical. This may morph into a kind of ‘helping’ relationship (where you might pity someone, ‘other’ them, and think of them as more needy than you) rather than a mutual relationship. Ultimately, folks must be aware of their positionality when they engage in formal peer relationships.

Learnings From Virtual Peer Support

Given that all of the interviewees had some experience with virtual peer support, it was incredibly valuable to gain their insights into how peer support has evolved in a virtual space and to reflect on the benefits and challenges with this technological shift during the pandemic. Carly discussed the lack of general peer support she felt at the start of the pandemic because it was harder to make friends online who could offer support. Especially because Carly started university at the height of the pandemic, she felt that peer support during this transition was very hard to find. Nevertheless, she noted the lessons that the pandemic has instilled in her – since socialization and support opportunities were more difficult to find, she had to come out of her comfort zone, reach out to others, and take risks to make supportive friendships.

Enhanced listening skills and patience were also important aspects of virtual peer support that the interviewees valued. An online setting leaves the possibility for glitches and wifi lags, so taking the time to listen to ensure both of you are heard in the conversation is paramount. This process also involves being patient, acknowledging the gaps in communication, but also not giving up when they pose a large barrier to a flowing conversation. Gracie discussed an important strategy that she has used to combat these barriers in communication with her buddy, with whom she was a peer in terms of shared interests and passions. Whenever she could not fully understand her younger buddy over Zoom, she asked them to use their “turtle voice” and speak a little slower. As her buddy pretended to be a turtle, Gracie took the pressure off of her buddy to communicate in a way that Gracie understood, and instead, made the experience enjoyable and stress-free.

Carly also believes that the pandemic has made us a lot more empathetic and understanding of how different circumstances affect different groups of people. Although she concluded her thought there, I was left thinking about this insight for a while. Specifically, the pandemic has illuminated existing healthcare access disparities disproportionately faced by vulnerable populations, which has supported my personal knowledge and empathy development. Our strengthened empathy has allowed us to provide better peer support as we have become more cognizant of the issues our peers might be going through. For example, some of us have become much more aware of how our words and actions might affect the individual we are supporting – I’ve seen this growth even within myself, which I am truly so grateful for. Crystal also discussed how she has learned to become more patient in a virtual space. “There’s lots of times in virtual meetings when we think that silence is awkward. We feel the need to fill in that gap.” She recognized the value in letting that silence sit sometimes, to not try and rush things, but instead allow yourself time to process your thoughts and approach a situation with calmness.

From a logistical perspective, many folks discussed the benefits of being able to connect with people all around the world through Zoom. Carly can connect with her Disable the Difference buddy even though she does not live in the same province as him, which is a blessing. In addition, Emunah reflected upon the anonymity of online peer support work, allowing for greater confidentiality and comfort for those receiving peer support. However, a lack of access to technology can pose barriers to low-income folks or folks from more remote areas. With virtual peer support, is it so important to consider these barriers and offer ways to help connect folks with technologies such as library computers so that they can also access virtual peer support.

Another interviewee worked for an organization where they would text-message and check-in with folks, providing peer support about issues the peer might be struggling with. The interviewee was an empathetic ear. Detailing the benefits with this kind of online non-verbal peer support through text, my interview participant highlighted that this form of support allowed for time to process, which in-person peer support didn’t usually allow for. There was no expectation to jump in and respond right away, which eased nerves for both individuals. As a neurodivergent person, they felt that expected social cues are more of a barrier for them in-person. However, there were definitely challenges with online support. The interviewee said that at times it was hard to read where the person was at through text message and what they were talking about. Also, when you take a pause to think about how to respond, the person on the other end may feel like you’re leaving them hanging.

Challenges with Virtual Peer Support

Catherine also discussed some challenges with online peer support. Without having active feedback and physical cues, it can be hard to emotionally connect with the other person. Emunah furthered this perspective by explaining how for neurodivergent folks, these extra pieces of information in-person can be the difference between a supportive conversation and an unproductive one. Orli also commented on the online communication challenges for some youth with disabilities, as it is so easy for a message to be lost through glitches and inaccessible audiovisuals. In addition, through a screen, it is extremely difficult to feel comfortable being vulnerable. The scheduling of online meetings while accounting for different time zones, is also a disadvantage to peer support as it turns a time for connection into almost an errand that you will clock in and clock out for. “It’s difficult to have a spontaneous conversation,” she added. Concluding her answer, Orli smiled, saying that she is able to work through these challenges because her and her buddy brainstorm solutions together.

Improving In-Person Peer Support

How can we use the lessons we’ve learned from successful virtual peer support during the pandemic to improve in-person peer support? First off, many interviewees indicated the need for the continuation of virtual peer support spaces even as the pandemic wanes. Virtual support or hybrid models will continue to be especially valuable for folks who would like to stay anonymous, neurodivergent folks who are more comfortable socially in online spaces, and disabled and immunocompromised folks for whom in-person spaces present barriers to accessibility and safety.

Interviewees (anonymous & Emunah) also mentioned how it has become more normalized to ask for pronouns, activate live captions, and provide visual descriptions in virtual spaces, all of which can be brought to in-person peer support. Finally, it is essential that we do not abandon the lessons in empathy, patience, and communication we have learned from virtual peer support, and instead, find interesting ways to weave these learnings into in-person spaces. Whether that be taking a pause after a difficult conversation and letting silence sit or creating personalized communication strategies for the person you are supporting, I know that there is a lot we can take with us post-pandemic.

Conclusion

Circling back to the question I wrestled with throughout the interview process, I hope to conclude with a clearer conception of peer support, and whether peer support is in fact a formalized term for helping each other out when we are struggling. To begin, I think peer support can mean different things to everyone. There is no universal definition that will encapsulate what peer support means, has meant, and will mean to each of us. However, the lack of rigid parameters around peer support does not invalidate the term. In fact, I think this ambiguity gives peer support further power, acknowledging that it can morph into different capacities and purposes for different people and their unique experiences. Further, I do think this formalized term is necessary – when we put names to things, we further their validity and timelessness as concepts. By giving this experience a name, we validate both the power, knowledge, and strength we gain through sharing our experiences with peers, as well as the labour and energy involved in caring for each other in these ways.

In reflection, these interviews were so valuable for me in so many different ways (and ways that I cannot distill into words still). As a peer support community organizer, it is so important for me to listen to folks in my organization about the benefits and challenges of online peer support. I learned a number of strategies in mitigating the barriers of online support, and I cannot wait to brainstorm ways forward with my team. I was also amazed at just how life-changing peer support has been for many of the interviewees, especially through the pandemic. For me, peer support has helped me get through debilitating pandemic isolation, confront the lack of prioritization I give to my mental health, and navigate the big questions: Who am I? and What impact do I want to leave in the world in the wake of a global pandemic? It was so encouraging to see that a virus that has brought so much destruction and pain has also taught us so much about resilience, empathy, and patience. Recognizing the value of peer support in my life and in the lives of my interviewees, I acknowledge the importance of further supporting folks in accessing peer support and breaking any stigma associated with seeking help and support. I would also like to emphasize the need for more spaces to reflect on the care we receive in our lives and its meaningfulness for us so that we don’t take it for granted. Through reflecting on these interviews and writing this piece, I recognized how much of a privilege it is to not only be receiving support, but also to provide it. Further, I am so privileged to have the opportunity to connect with seven incredible people who were so willing to be honest and vulnerable about their experiences. I have learned so much from you, and for that, I am so grateful.