This work is a scanned image of a three-panel collage intended to be represented as horizontal Left, Middle, and Right panels. Given formatting restrictions of the Zine, they are instead represented vertically as a First, Second, and Third panel. Each panel of the collage is composed of email messages and mosaics of ripped, grey-toned magazine paper. The three panels will be described in turn below the images.

Image Description

Left (First) Panel

At the top left of the page, there is a print-out of an email message. Parts of the email are blacked out. The email reads as follows:

“Hello (name redacted).

I am writing in regard to student (redacted) who is registered with Student Accessibility Services. (Redacted) attends your (redacted). (Redacted) contacted me in regard to concerns using a note taking software program installed on (redacted) lap top. (Redacted) uses this software to audio record lectures as per (redacted) accommodations. (Redacted) is concerned as (redacted) understands (redacted) is to sit in the front row. If (redacted) is using a laptop, however this seating arrangement could interfere with the symptoms related to (redacted) disability. It is in (redacted) best interest to sit far back in a lecture theatre, with as few people behind (redacted) as possible.

It would be greatly appreciated if you would permit (redacted) to continue with this seating arrangement while using her laptop. Please feel free to communicate directly with (redacted) who has been copied on this email, or don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.

Thank you for your kind support of this student.

Sincerely, (redacted).”

End of email.

Three cut out phrases in a smaller font are pasted on parts of the email. These words are: “my nightmares”, “to be hidden”, and “trying to push away the crowd of people”.

In the top right of the page, there is a collage. These are cut-up pieces of paper, with dark grey, light grey, and yellow abstract designs. One of these designs is an outline of the back of a person, which has been torn and pasted in two pieces with part of the person’s back missing.

In the left-middle section of the page, there is an abstract line drawing of a human being curled in a fetal position. There is also a grey image of a palm of a hand and wrist, with six uneven red lines on the wrist. In the right-middle section of the page, there is a cut out image of a beige lunch tray. This tray has a plate covered with a warming lid, a small plastic-wrapped yellow container of peaches, a tinfoil-wrapped green container of apple juice, a plastic wrapped set of cutlery – a fork and knife – and two small packets – one of sugar and one of pepper. On top of this image is the cut and pasted phrase, “These thoughts ran rampant”. On the bottom of the image is the cut and pasted phrase, “whispers consumed all of my air”.

In the bottom left of the page, there is an abstract grey collage, with the phrases “gasping for air”, “I am your burden” and “get me out of here” overlaid on top. In the bottom right of the page, there is another printed out email with parts blacked out. The email says:

“Hi (redacted, with the phrase “too distracting” overlaid).

(Redacted), I would be happy to chat with you about this. Why don’t you see me at the end of class today? In principle, I’m not opposed to you sitting at the back of the class, but would like to talk to you about recording lectures. I didn’t even realize students are allowed to do so, so it would be helpful to talk about this. I will let the TAs know that you will be sitting in the last row, so they don’t ask you to close your laptop, but it would be helpful to know who you are. If you can’t see me after class, could you please visit me during my office hours on (redacted).

Thanks,

(redacted)”

Middle (Second) Panel

At the top left of the page, there is an abstract grey and white pattern. Cut and pasted words have been overlaid on the pattern, one on top of another. From top to bottom, these words are, “I slipped away”, “numb”, “helplessness”, “worthless”, “paralyzed”, “hopeless”. In the top right section of the page, there are black and white abstract line patterns, with a sketch of a hand. The words “She struggled” are pasted on top of the hand.

In the middle of the page, there is a printed email with parts blacked out. The email says the following:

“Dear (redacted).

I’m writing to touch base on some interactions I’ve had with my mentor (redacted). Recently in my class on (redacted), (redacted) used language that stigmatized mental illness. Specifically, (redacted) shared stories of roommate that struggles with obvious mental illness. I feel this is inappropriate, in general. However, (redacted) also used words like “psycho” and “crazy” to describe this person.

Upon approaching (redacted) about (redacted) ableist use of language in an academic setting, (redacted) attempted to justify it, by means of suggesting that only some people are, and I quote “crazy” while others, like myself, are not. I feel as though (redacted) is therefore ignoring the frameworks of institutional and systemic ableism. As well, when I brought up (redacted)’s position of authority, which further made the situation inappropriate, (redacted) denied that (redacted) had any authority over myself and my peers. (Redacted).

This makes me extremely uncomfortable. The point of what I was trying to get across to (redacted) is that it isn’t okay to use this kind of ableist stigmatizing language in general. However, I felt as though (redacted) only heard how it was affecting me, and ignored the idea that stigmatizing anyone with mental illness is not ok. This is not acceptable to me.

I would appreciate if I could speak to you further about this subject, and I appreciate your assistance with this matter.

Sincerely, (redacted).”

End of email.

There are cut and pasted phrases overlaid on this email. These phrases are “problematic”, “those who are struggling”, “I could not stop their poisonous words”.

At the bottom of the page, there is a collage of ripped pieces of dark grey, light grey, greyish blue, and yellow paper. Pasted on top of the collage is an email, with parts blacked out. The email says:

“Hey (redacted).

I understand. And you are not a failure. Every day you fight and keep going, you are an amazing success. Get the help you need and we’ll figure things out when you get back. I’ll communicate with your group.

(Redacted).”

Short phrases are also cut and pasted on the collage. From top to bottom, left to right, these phrases include: “remember the feeling of relief”, “embrace and accept”, “be brave”, “strong enough”, “She is hopeful”, “it’s okay”, “I am grateful”, and “you begin to rise”.

Right (Third) Panel

At the top left of the page, there is an abstract collage of black and white and greyish blue patterns, and a small image of sand-coloured leaves and branches of a plant. In the top right section of the page, there is an out-of-focus black and white photograph of trees and a lake. On top of the collage and photograph are cut and pasted phrases. From top to bottom, left to right, these phrases say, “Please be patient”, “You have formed my self-identity”, “I broke”, “She’s a tornado”, “You cannot help”, “we will not carry on”.

In the middle of the page, there is an email with parts blacked out. The email says:

“Hi (redacted).

Welcome back! Listen, I’m happy to give you the extension…but will it actually be helpful? Might it be worthwhile to instead just do it “poorly”? I’m happy either way, but it seems to me that it might not even be worth the stress of pushing the sample questions quiz to later. Basically, I’ve seen you repeat this pattern before and I wonder if things just end up piling up.

To be clear, this isn’t me saying no. I just want to make sure that you aren’t stuck in the same situation that you’ve been caught in before. Basically, it’s up to you and I’ll support you either way…but you should at least ask yourself that question about whether it’s worth it and whether it’ll really mean less stress.

Let me know!

(Redacted).”

End of email.

On top of the email, there are cut and pasted phrases. These phrases say, “I can’t remember”, “do this”, “you don’t know who I really am”, “I can never satisfy you”, “These words playing on repeat”, “I fail the test”, “To distance myself from you”.

On the bottom right of the page, there is an image of someone’s lower legs dressed in black jeans and black shoes, laying on a bed drawn in abstract black lines. A blue hospital gown and white towel are folded at the end of the bed. In front of the bed, a wood door, and white walls are visible, with a metal, paint-chipped attachment on the wall.

On the bottom left of the page, there is a collage of pictures and patterns. There is an image of sand-coloured plant leaves, a black and white abstract scribble, a black and white drawing of three eyes and an eyebrow, and a deep purple image of rolling cloud shapes.