In This Section

We’ll have a look at the following topics:

• Finding your voice (raising your confidence)
• Curbing imposter syndrome (boosting self-esteem)
• Planning ahead (conflict/discomfort)

And work towards meeting these outcomes:

• Practicing and applying methods to raise confidence and voice your opinions
• Recognizing imposter syndrome and practical, effective ways to boost self-esteem
• Planning and preparing for uncomfortable situations

Finding Your Voice

If you experience fear of speaking up and sharing your ideas in various group settings, know you’re not alone. Many of us experience anxiety at the thought of how people might react to the things we say, especially in contexts with strangers or colleagues. “Is what I’m saying wrong?”, “Will I sound stupid?”, “What if I stutter?” These types of concerns are common and valid, but giving into them is doing yourself, and everyone around, a disservice. So, if you’re someone who can relate to these feelings, like in the Wicked Problems “Hi-5? More like Hi-Shy” or in “Lone Walker”, next are some tips to overcome these fears.

Be Kinder to Yourself

We’re all our own greatest critics. It’s important to give yourself the same compassion you would give others. So, don’t be too hard on yourself – it’s incredibly unlikely that anyone else is analyzing the things you say or do in the same way you analyze yourself. Show yourself some grace and take the time to express your assets to yourself every now and then (Reach Out, n.d.) ^[1]. Talk yourself up and show yourself the love you deserve – it might sound silly, but we all need reminders of why we’re great, especially from ourselves. Don’t forget to celebrate all of your successes, the big and the small.

Make Mistakes

If your fear surrounding speaking up is related to your fear of making mistakes, then the solution, which is easier said than done, is to embrace your mistakes. Making mistakes is a natural and expected part of life; it’s the way in which we do some of our best learning. And so, as scary as it sounds, rather than being so afraid of making a mistake, it’s important to instead embrace the fact that mistakes are going to happen.

Consider what happens when you do make a mistake – even when picturing the worst-case scenario – think: 1) how likely is it for this to happen? and 2) is it really that bad? Know that, as long as you’re coming in with good intentions and aren’t hurting anyone, people won’t linger on the mistakes you might make in the same way that you might. On the contrary, people might not even register the mistakes you catch yourself making or will quickly move on and forget about it. And more importantly, we need to shift our focus onto the things that are in our control, such as sharing our thoughts, and less on the things we can’t control (Reach Out, n.d.).

Take chances – you can start small

You might not be ready to dive in completely to taking chances, so here are some steps you can take to work your way up. If you still experience fear sharing your thoughts, maybe start by asking questions instead. As Garfinkle (2021) ^[2] puts it: “Leverage your knowledge and expertise to probe deeper into what others are saying. You will feel more engaged and become an active participant, which will help facilitate a more powerful meeting and provide opportunities for others to truly see you.” Other suggestions include picking a topic ahead of time that you would like to discuss in your class, group meeting or work meeting – that way you’ll come prepared to participate in the discussion (Garfinkle, 2021). You can also challenge yourself by setting a goal of how many times you’d like to speak in a specific setting and/or by allowing yourself to say the first thing that pops into your head. As you start to do these things (you might be forcing yourself to at first) you’ll eventually build the habit of jumping into conversations without the overriding or lingering fears – it might even become second nature!

Imposter Syndrome: A Wicked Problem by Sevda Montakhaby Nodeh

A story about how imposter syndrome can take the joy out of life.

Planning ahead (for conflict and discomfort)

What is an uncomfortable or conflicting situation?

What defines an uncomfortable or conflicting situation varies from person to person. However, an uncomfortable or conflicting situation can occur when individuals are unwilling to compromise or have different opinions and perceptions. Some examples of uncomfortable situations for students include a peer taking credit for another person’s idea, receiving a rude email from a peer, reporting negative feedback about a peer, dealing with a peer that micromanages, or confronting a peer about how they mistreat others. Uncomfortable situations can also occur with professors and staff. If you feel you are being treated unfairly or discriminated against, it is very important that you engage in diplomatic and well-argued self-advocacy. A critical element of effective self-advocacy is genuine willingness to listen to the perspectives of others, being polite and kind, being collaborative when it comes to finding solutions to conflict, and ensuring you have evidence that supports the point of view you feel is most important for everyone in a conflict situation.

Why is it important to learn how to manage uncomfortable/conflicting situations?

If uncomfortable situations such as conflicts and disagreements aren’t managed, it could lead to a strained relationship between peers or between you and a professor and foster a negative environment. The resulting discomfort and tension may hinder your ability to complete tasks successfully, impact your reputation, and create unnecessary stress for yourself.  Thus, by learning how to manage uncomfortable situations at school you can contribute to a happier and more motivating environment and reduce stress.

How to Manage an Uncomfortable Situation: Prepare, Plan, and Act

1. Identify the issue and purpose of the conversation: Before approaching people involved in the situation, it’s important to figure out what the issue is and what you want the outcome of the conversation to be. Some examples of clear outcomes include problem-solving together or learning the other person’s perspective. However, if your only purpose is to vent or your upset feelings are unjustified, then a conversation likely isn’t necessary and will not be useful.
2. Make a plan: Planning out what to say and rehearsing it beforehand can help you keep the conservation focused on the issue at hand. When explaining your perspective, ensure to use respectful language and a polite tone to effectively get your point across without offending the other person. It’s also important to not dominate the conversation and listen to the other person’s or group’s perspectives. Being a good listener means giving the speaker your undivided attention by facing the speaker and holding eye contact.
3. Invite the person to the conversation: When inviting a person or group to a conflict management conversation, make sure your purpose is clear. It’s best to schedule a conversation so that the other folks have time to plan. For instance, you can say “hey, I felt a bit uncomfortable with the conversation during the group meeting so I’m wondering if we can schedule a time to talk about it? I’d like to understand your perspective and for you to understand mine as well.” This demonstrates that you’re genuinely interested in listening to their perspective and sharing your perspective in order to come to a conclusion.
4. Determine the best method of communication: Some individuals may feel more comfortable communicating using text, email, calling, video chat, or an in-person meeting. Be aware that email and text conversations are missing key elements of body language and intention. It is very easy to misinterpret what is being communicated. Whenever possible, meet live (either in-person or virtually with a camera on) to help ensure you are listening and can confirm what you are hearing with your conversation partner(s).
5. Have the conversation: If listening and respect are present from all participants in a conversation, ideally, the issue will be resolved collaboratively. However, sometimes the differences in perspectives are too extensive. In these cases, try to find commonalities, such as maintaining a positive environment when working together, and sustaining professional interactions going forward, despite the differences. In situations where another person or group’s behaviour is adversely impacting you in ways that you cannot look past (e.g., they are continuing to use harmful language or acting unethically), then it’s important to bring up the situation to a superior, such as a professor at school. If the conflict situation you are attempting to resolve involves a professor, you should investigate who the program manager or Chair of the program is and follow up with them to support you in resolving the issues you are facing. Do not be afraid to ask for help from college or university administrator – they definitely want to know when students are feeling upset or powerless. ^[3][4][5]

Activity: False stereotypes

Purpose of Activity

The purpose of this activity is to develop an understanding of why we shouldn’t pass brash judgments onto others. The activity is meant for us to consider why we receive certain judgments and consider how we can respond to the judgments passed on us.

Task

Think of the different ways in which you feel you have been perceived by others. Did you ever feel you have been pigeonholed or stereotyped as a result of a trait you possess, an experience you had, a habit you have, your working process, or other reasons? For instance, some of us may have been called high strung for caring too much about how our work should be completed, and some of us may have been stereotyped as lazy for dropping the ball in a group project. Consider the ways in which you might have been stereotyped, then consider what you wish people knew or understood about you in regard to that stereotype. In thinking about the ways you have been misunderstood and how it made you feel, consider the times you may have passed judgment onto someone else, and whether there could have been more to the story from that person’s perspective.

Learning Outcomes

• Plan and prepare for uncomfortable academic and school situations.
• Practice and apply methods to boost your confidence and voice your opinions

Level 1

Consider the ways you feel you have been stereotyped in the past. What judgments have been passed on to you and why? How did they make you feel? Was there anything you could or should have done differently? (Approximately 5 – 10 minutes).

Level 2

Now that you’ve reflected on the ways you’ve been stereotyped, think of the things you wish people knew or understood about you. How could others knowing these things about you help? Consider times you have passed judgement onto others and how those feelings would have influenced how you interacted with them. (Approximately 5 – 10 minutes).

Level 3

Share your reflections with someone, whether it be a family member, friend, or colleague. Reflect on how the conversation goes; see if taught you anything (Approximately 5 – 10 minutes).

Time Commitment

This activity should take approximately 15 – 30 minutes to complete.

Success Criteria

• Honest and genuine reflection.
• Develop an understanding of how others respond to us.
• Prepare ways of communicating the things we wish people understood about us.
• Develop practices for understanding and empathizing with others.

What do I do with this?

If you are playing along using the Liberated Learner Work binder, upload your “False Stereotypes” file to the Collaborator Module folder.

If you’re just working on activities to up your game, save the files any way that works for you.

 Wrap Up and Look Ahead

In this section, you’ve practiced advocating for yourself in collaborative experiences. Next, you will take it a step further, and examine how you might also advocate for others as an effective ally.