CASE STUDY 4: CHIAIRO

Profile

Background

Chiairo was born in Canada, but her parents are from India. She has an elder sister. Her father passed away when she was very young, and Chiairo’s mother remarried a few years later to a Polish man. Chiairo’s maternal grandparents lived with them then and played a key role in how Chiairo and her sister were raised. They provided care and stability to Chiairo and her sister.

Family and Systemic Violence Witnessed/Experienced

Chiairo’s experience with FV began when her mother remarried. Her stepfather was very controlling. For example, though her mother had been driving for a long time, he did not want her to drive anymore. He got upset if her mother went out without him or if he did not know where she was. He demanded details of whom her mother was with, and he isolated her mother from her friends. Similarly, he prohibited Chiairo from socializing with friends and going out. Her stepfather also endangered their lives with his reckless driving whenever he was upset or irritated.

Growing up, Chiairo was unaware that her mother was in a violent and controlling relationship, and she thought her stepfather’s behaviour was normal. It took a long time for her to recognize the signs of abuse because, in her opinion, men being aggressive is normalized in society. After ten years of her mother and stepfather being together, Chiairo’s mother disclosed to Chiairo that she was physically abused by her husband. Chiairo’s older sister told her she had witnessed their stepfather forcefully dragging their mother out of a room. Chiairo’s sister was also targeted by their stepfather, who started many fights without provocation. Chiairo was troubled by her mother’s abusive situation and was concerned for her health and safety. She repeatedly asked her mother to leave the abusive relationship. However, Chiairo believes her mother truly loved her stepfather and was committed to the vow she made. She feels that if her parents received assistance without being judged or stereotyped, they could have possibly had a healthier relationship.

Before she turned 18, Chiairo did not disclose the FV to anyone. She was concerned about being judged because they were a minority in a predominantly white suburb. She did not want their neighbours to know about the abuse because that would confirm their stereotypes of South Asians.

The violence ended when Chiairo’s stepfather died. Chiairo is pursuing a professional degree. She lives on the university campus and remains in contact with her mother and sister. Chiairo’s stress continues to weigh on her even after she has moved out of the home to pursue post-secondary education. Chiairo’s mother has a new boyfriend, and Chiairo has tried to caution her mother that this new relationship could be a repeat of the previous one because she has not attempted to get professional support to address the abuse she experienced in her past relationship. Since her mother did not receive this comment well, Chiairo has stopped talking with her about this. The possibility that her mother will be in another abusive relationship worries Chiairo.

Chiairo believes her stepfather viewed himself as racially and culturally superior to her mother, causing him to be violent and controlling. Chiairo’s stepfather often made racist comments, including negative statements about her mother’s community and her grandparents’ accents, education, intelligence, traditions, and culture. He separated her mother from her community and accused her mother’s friends of not allowing people from different backgrounds to be a part of their community.

Chiairo’s family lives in a white neighbourhood. She recalled that someone from the neighbourhood had called Children’s Aid Society (CAS; now Child Protection Services) on Chiairo’s mother when her sister had sustained bruises from practicing karate. Chiairo believes CAS was called because of the prevalent stereotype that South Asians are violent towards their children.

Experiences while Accessing Supports

After Chiairo turned 18, she accessed the counselling service available through her university.

Chiairo was not satisfied with the counsellors because only one of them was a racialized person. She felt they could not relate to her cultural identity and experiences, and hence the advice she received was not applicable to her situation.

Impacts of Family and Systemic Violence

Chiairo battles depression, which is tied to her childhood experiences of FV. Besides counselling, she has taken medication, which had unpleasant side effects.

Her stepfather’s controlling behaviour meant that her mother did not work for a long period and eventually, her employer let her go. This adversely affected the finances of their family.

While Chiairo loves and respects her mother, she feels they do not have a typical mother-daughter relationship. She had to take on many responsibilities because her mother could not.

Her stepfather’s attitudes and behaviour impacted the connection Chiairo’s family has with extended family members and the South Asian community. Chiairo’s family stopped receiving invitations to social gatherings, and people stopped speaking with them because of the negative family dynamics involving her stepfather. This also influenced Chiairo’s friendships, as she was not open about her stepfather with them; she did not invite friends’ home nor say much about her personal life.