CASE STUDY 11: SONIA

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Background

Sonia was born soon after her parents immigrated to Canada from India. As Sonia’s parents did not have a good relationship with each other, Sonia witnessed frequent conflict between them throughout her childhood and adolescence.

Family and Systemic Violence Witnessed/Experienced

Sonia’s parents’ relationship has never been good, and their conflict intensified when they immigrated to Canada. They remained together because theirs was an arranged marriage, according to Sonia. Since Sonia’s parents are not highly educated, they could not secure well-paying jobs in Canada. Her father was a cab driver and worked his way up to being a truck driver, and her mother worked in factories for minimum wage. At times Sonia’s mother interrupted her employment and during these times, it was difficult to manage on a single income. After their immigration to Canada, Sonia’s parents first lived in the basement of her maternal uncle and grandparents’ house. Sonia lived with her maternal grandmother until she was four years old.

There is also tension between Sonia’s paternal and maternal families. Sonia’s paternal family (who live in British Columbia) have disrespected Sonia’s mother, insulted her family, and encouraged her father to exert power and control over his wife and children. Her paternal family thinks her maternal family is “crazy” and Sonia is “crazy” and “hyper,” as is her mother. Sonia faced gender-based discrimination from her father’s family. When Sonia’s younger brother was born, her paternal family flew from BC to visit and made an offering in the gurudwara (Sikh temple) in thanks for the boy’s birth. They made no offering when Sonia was born.

Throughout her childhood, Sonia witnessed verbal and physical violence between her parents. When Sonia was about 10, her father pushed her mother down the stairs. As the stairs were carpeted, her mother had rug burns on her arms. After this abusive incident, Sonia’s father’s friends and mother’s family mediated the situation and resolved the conflict between her parents.

Sonia was never personally targeted during episodes of FV but adopted the role of a peacekeeper during her parents’ altercations. Sonia often de-escalated the tension and consoled her mother by giving her mother water and the fruit she liked.

As Sonia and her younger brother grew older, the episodes of physical violence decreased but never abated entirely. An incident between Sonia’s parents during the COVID-19 pandemic involved her mother’s resistance to her father-in-law staying with them on his return from India because he was unkind to her and treated her as a servant. Sonia’s mother was also hesitant about accepting someone who had travelled to other countries into her home during the COVID-19 pandemic. Furthermore, Sonia’s mother was worried that having her father-in-law in her home would jeopardize Sonia’s brother’s preparation for his MCAT as they would have to share the basement where he studies. Sonia and her brother agreed with their mother about Sonia’s grandfather visiting, while her father supported the idea.

This polarization erupted into an argument between Sonia’s parents. On a day when Sonia’s parents were alone, the argument escalated, and her father forcefully pushed her mother, slapped her across the face, and was increasingly physical with her. Sonia’s mother was terrified because he had never been so violent before, and she called 911. When the police officers arrived, Sonia’s father was angry and would not calm down. Despite Sonia’s mother’s repeated requests not to arrest Sonia’s father, the officers arrested him and removed him from their house.

Since the 911 incident, Sonia’s father has been calmer and avoids behaviour that could have legal ramifications. He has pleaded guilty to his charge and is completing court-ordered counselling. He feels that his family wants to ruin him and that they framed him. In the past, Sonia’s parents were able to mend their relationship after instances of FV. However, as Sonia’s mother called 911, there is little prospect of reconciliation. Sonia’s mother has met with divorce lawyers but hopes their relationship will return to normal. However, after the 911 incident, Sonia’s father is determined not to reconcile.

Currently, Sonia is the primary support for both of her parents. She helps them with paperwork and other chores and accompanies her mother to meet with a divorce lawyer, supporting her through the meeting. As her mother has aged, caring for her has grown exponentially. After the 911 incident between her parents, Sonia speaks to her mother daily. Since Sonia’s father does not have a relationship with her brother, Sonia carries the load of her father’s needs. Sonia feels responsible for her father because he has worked hard and helped her financially. She still communicates with her father but not as much as before the 911 incident.

Sonia is close to her maternal family and feels much support from them. Sonia confided to her mother’s family about the recent 911 incident between her parents, and they fully supported her. Sonia’s uncle and cousins remain in contact with her. Sonia’s relationship with her paternal family is distant, and she has little interaction with them.

Experiences while Accessing Supports

Sonia thinks that if the police officers had responded in a more culturally sensitive way, her father might have felt understood.

Impacts of Family and Systemic Violence

Sonia’s parents did not speak English when she was young, and she was often tasked with filling out her brother’s school forms or attending parent-teacher conferences. Sonia suspects that the FV between her parents she witnessed influenced her and her brother’s relationship growing up, as they were always physically fighting with each other. However, in adulthood, the fighting has stopped. Sonia’s current relationship with her brother is good, but they tend to talk about superficial things and not about the violence that transpired between their parents.

Sonia secured an extremely prestigious and competitive role in a healthcare setting while living in her parents’ home. The event related to the father’s arrest impacted Sonia significantly. She was stressed and emotional, which impacted her hospital internship. Her supervisor misinterpreted it as Sonia’s inability to manage work-related stress. They called Sonia for a meeting attended by the director and HR representative. During the meeting, Sonia was not allowed to explain herself but was told to pack her things and vacate the workplace immediately. Sonia attributes the treatment she received to her racialized identity.