CASE STUDY 8: MAYA

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Background

Growing up, Maya lived with her parents and two younger siblings. Maya’s family received support from her maternal grandmother, uncle and aunt when the FV created a crisis for the family.

Family and Systemic Violence Witnessed/Experienced

Maya’s parents came to Canada at a young age. They met each other in Canada and got married against their families’ wishes. The families’ disapproval stemmed from differences in caste and financial status.

Maya has witnessed verbal, physical and financial violence between her parents since childhood. During Maya’s childhood, Maya’s father drank excessively and physically abused her mother. At times, it was her mother who instigated the fights. When Maya was 11, she witnessed an incident of severe physical assault by her father on her mother. She intervened and pushed him away. Maya also took on a protective role at a young age. During her parents’ fights, she asked her siblings to come to her room and distracted them. Maya’s mother channelled her frustration about her husband onto Maya by emotionally abusing her. She blamed Maya and her siblings as the reason she was stuck in her marriage.

Maya’s parents had multiple breakups and reconciliations. She remembers that at one point, her parents were separated for two years. Maya’s mother accepted him back into her life, each time thinking he had changed either because he had been in prison or attended Alcoholics Anonymous. However, the conflict resumed once they reunited. During one incident, the police escorted her father out of the house. During subsequent fights, Maya’s father left home to avoid police involvement.

When Maya’s father was away, Maya’s mother managed financially by working and receiving government welfare support. Maya’s mother also relied on her brother (Maya’s maternal uncle) for financial loans. When Maya was 12, her mother developed a gambling addiction at a time when Maya’s father was away from home. Maya’s mother borrowed money and left Maya alone with her two younger siblings for the day. Maya had no option but to take care of her siblings. Maya learned how to cook, clean and do laundry during this time.

The emotional abuse and neglect intensified when Maya was in high school. When Maya was 16, she moved into her maternal grandmother’s house. After Maya moved out, her mother bought tickets for a two-month family vacation to Sri Lanka. Once they returned from the vacation, Maya’s mother decided she no longer wanted to take care of Maya and her siblings. As a result, Maya and her siblings started living with her maternal aunt and her husband.

Maya was cautious because they had different household rules than she was used to. During this time, though Maya and her two siblings were teenagers, they shared a room and a bed. Maya’s aunt and uncle value education, and they are highly educated professionals. They view education as an exit from poverty for racialized immigrants. While living with them, Maya was influenced by their value system and pushed herself to study hard so that she could attend university.

Maya loved school and saw it as an escape from family issues. In high school, Maya channelled her interest in Study of politics and human rights and became involved in Model United Nations and an equity club (previously known as gay/straight alliance). Maya studied engineering but did not do well during her first year and had to leave the program. Maya did not give up and is currently pursuing a different university program.

Currently, Maya’s parents live together because her father is not well. The conflict between Maya’s parents has decreased. Maya believes her father’s health issues have made him less argumentative. However, their relationship is still unstable. Maya and her sister continue to live with their maternal aunt and uncle, and Maya’s brother lives with their parents. Maya is still upset with her father over the physical, emotional, and verbal abuse he inflicted on her mother. She is also sympathetic towards him because he came to Canada as a refugee and has a difficult relationship with her mother, who, in Maya’s opinion, is “a handful to handle.” Her father’s ill health has motivated Maya to re-establish a relationship with him.

Maya does not speak with her mother unless her mother calls her. Maya is not keen on having a relationship with her mother because she feels that, based on her experience, her mother will continue interfering in her life. However, Maya’s mother attempts to connect with Maya by bringing her the food she loves. Maya has a good relationship with her siblings. However, she is closer to her brother than her sister because they are closer in age.

Experiences while Accessing Supports

Police visited Maya’s house multiple times during her childhood to arrest her father. Maya’s mother usually called the police, but at times she confided in her siblings about the violence, and they called the police. It felt abnormal for Maya to have the police called because of FV. Whenever the police officers came to the house, they would check if the children were also being abused. When Maya was ten years old, following her father’s arrested. After the arrest, Maya’s father attended therapy and connected with a social worker.   The Child Protection Services (CPS) visited Maya’s home to check on how Maya and her siblings were looked after. Maya and her siblings were very cautious about the information they shared with them to avoid the involvement of CPS. Maya told CPS that they, the children, were fine. Their mother took care of them and only grounded them when they misbehaved.

Maya never told her schoolteachers about the abuse she experienced at home, as she was worried that confiding in them would result in CPS involvement. Since she received support from her mother’s family, she felt she did not require additional support from teachers.

Impacts of Family and Systemic Violence

When Maya was younger, she was often angry and physically expressed her anger by pushing others and swearing. While in elementary and middle school, Maya did not socialize or engage in many extracurricular activities because she had to worry about her siblings at home when her mother went out gambling.

Moving to her maternal aunt’s house during high school impacted her academic performance positively as she was free from the responsibility of caring for her siblings and chores; she could focus on her studies. However, her first year at the university was not good. The program she chose didn’t interest her, so she changed universities and programs.

Maya’s witnessing FV has made her cautious of relationships, especially romantic ones with cis-gendered men. Witnessing violence between her parents has also made Maya more aware of red flags she should watch out for in a partner. Maya feels that she is less malleable in relationships. Because Maya witnessed her mother financially dependent on her husband, Maya plans to navigate her future romantic relationships in a way where she and her partner’s finances will be separate.

Compared to her siblings, Maya is much more frugal about money and tries to save as much money as possible.