CASE STUDY 7: MARIA

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Background

Maria is from Guyana, West Indies. Her parents separated when Maria was six. After the separation, Maria lived with her mother in a town, and her father lived in the country. This was Maria’s mother’s second marriage. She has three daughters from her first marriage. Maria did not interact much with them. They were much older than her and were married.

Family and Systemic Violence Witnessed/Experienced

In her childhood, Maria witnessed her father being abusive to her mother, physically, verbally, emotionally and financially. Maria’s father beat her mother and sometimes threw things at her during arguments. Maria’s parents had small arguments almost every day as her mother challenged the father’s abusive behaviour. During her parents’ fights, Maria would cry, scream and beg them to stop. Maria’s father did not physically abuse or beat Maria except once when he hit her because she was rebelling. Out of anger, she hit back.

After several attempts to separate from her husband, but then reuniting with him, Maria’s mother eventually divorced him. After Maria’s parents separated, the court issued a restraining order on her father, preventing him from seeing her at school. The father breached the court order and went to see Maria at her school. She was only aware of this when the school principal got involved.

Even though Maria’s father owned a mechanic shop, he did not financially support her mother. Her mother managed the household finances from the rental income of a property she owned. Maria’s mother worked hard to provide everything for the family, including sending Maria to a private school.

When Maria was 21, she left Guyana for post-secondary education in Canada. On the night before she left Guyana, Maria’s father came to see her and told her he wanted to take her to the airport. Her mother rejected her father’s offer because she did not want to travel with him in the same vehicle. According to Maria, her father has not accepted that his relationship with her mother is over. Maria’s father was not allowed to sleep inside the house that night, so he slept in his vehicle.

Maria did not want her parents to travel in separate cars to the airport. However, her mother refused to travel together with her ex-husband, which forced Maria to choose which parent she would travel with to the airport. She chose her mother because her mother provided her financially, including the money to study in Canada. Maria felt sorry for her father.

While Maria is in Canada, Maria feels that she was never exposed to racism in Guyana, but in Canada, she has witnessed it. The tension between her parents continues, Maria does not witness their arguments. Her father calls her often, and if he starts talking about anything unpleasant related to her parents’ relationship, she warns him and, if necessary, disconnects the call. Maria is doing well as an international student in Canada. While she is grateful to her mother for giving her this opportunity, she also worries about her father’s health as he recently had a heart attack.

Maria loves her mother and has a very high regard for her. Despite the abuse her father inflicted on her mother, Maria does not hate him. While she does not appreciate her father’s actions, she still has a “weak spot” for him.

According to Maria, even though her parents’ past relationship contributed to her eventually becoming a stronger person, it took her some time to reach the stage where she could advocate for herself. Maria has overcome low self-esteem and her feeling of worthlessness. Despite having a checkered career, Maria feels she has found her path.

Experiences while Accessing Supports

Maria received counselling for self-harming behaviour when she was in high school in Guyana. However, it was ineffective because a family member had to be present because she was underage, which made it difficult for her to express how she truly felt.

Impacts of Family and Systemic Violence

Maria’s response to the abuse she experienced as a child was often emotional. If she did not get what she wanted from her parents or if things did not go her way, she cried, had an outburst, and reacted rudely. She rebelled and spent much time on the phone with her friends. When Maria was in high school, she cut herself with a razor blade. Since she was angry at that point, it did not cause her pain, and she felt relaxed after cutting her wrist.

Maria could not focus on her academics in high school, and she felt that her teachers did not recognize her academic potential. They never asked Maria what was happening to her and why she behaved as she did. The teachers put her down and did not offer encouraging words to do well. Maria completed high school when she was 16 and waited for a year to get into an undergraduate program. Unfortunately, she did not receive any support from her professors, did not do well and eventually dropped out of the program. After a break, she decided to do her undergraduate education in psychology. Maria benefited from psychology as the knowledge she gained provided her with a better understanding of herself, and she overcame her low self-esteem. After completing her undergraduate studies in Guyana, she came to Canada as an international student and is currently pursuing a diploma. When Maria compares her current grades with those she received in high school, she sees the significant negative impact of experiencing abuse on her academic performance in earlier years.

Maria still has outbursts of anger. She argues with her mom and older sisters when they disagree. Maria consciously tries not to control others in relationships, but she likes to have control over her own life. Maria feels strange when she does not have that control and things are controlled by someone else because it reminds her of her parents’ relationship. Maria believes witnessing her parents’ abusive relationship and her mother’s “agony” affects her relationships with men. A past romantic relationship was abusive, and Maria found it difficult to end it.