CASE STUDY 3: ANITA

Profile

Background

Anita is the middle child of her family. She has an older and a younger sister. The elder sister and Anita were born in Saudi Arabia, where her parents lived at the time. The younger sister was born in Canada.

Family and Systemic Violence Witnessed/Experienced

Before moving to Canada, Anita and her family resided in Saudi Arabia, where she and her older sister were born. Anita’s younger sister was born in Canada. Her parents disagreed about immigrating to Canada: Anita’s mother wanted to immigrate so her daughters could have a better future, but her father was reluctant, as he was worried his daughters would lose their culture and religious faith. Anita’s father’s family members advised him against coming to Canada because they felt the girls would give up their religion and marry white men.

The differences of opinion between parents led to continuous arguments between them. Their arguments resulted in the parents not communicating, sometimes for days or weeks. After one argument, Anita’s father left home for a few hours but returned on the same day. Anita and her sister did not know they were leaving Saudi Arabia until their parents took them to the airport and advised them that they would not return.

The arguments between her parents continued in Canada for the first two to three years, although the reason for the arguments had shifted to her father’s expectation that his daughters wear hijabs. Anita’s elder sister (who was nine years old at the time of immigration) was expected by her school in Saudi Arabia to wear a hijab, but Anita, who was seven, did not have to do so. Yet she wore a hijab. After coming to Canada, Anita and her sister stopped wearing their hijabs.^[1] Their father blamed their mother for this, as he felt his wife  should set an example for their daughters. Anita’s father’s insistence was based on the fear his family members had instilled in him.

To ensure that the girls did not give up their religion, Anita’s father imposed restrictions on her and her sister to wear a hijab and attend an Islamic school. It took a lot of effort on Anita’s and her elder sister’s part to convince their father to let them attend public school. They were allowed on the condition that they would do well, and if they didn’t, they would attend the Islamic school. Anita emphasized that such restrictions are associated only with girls and not with boys in her community. Anita considers the differential treatment by her parents toward their daughters as unfair.

Anita’s parents have exercised control on the decision she made regarding her post-secondary education. Anita’s parents objected to her pursuing a business degree and wanted her to pursue a career in science in a university of their choice. Because of this, Anita stopped speaking with her parents for some time and lived with her older sister at her university residence with no intention of returning home. In the end, Anita selected a science program to appease her parents at the university her parents wanted her to attend. Further, she was not allowed to stay in a campus residence. She was told that her older sister was already doing so, and her parents would be alone if she stayed in a residence. Anita was upset with her parents for using this as their excuse because Anita’s younger sister still lived at home with her parents.

Anita finds the science program challenging. She is overwhelmed and fears falling short of her parents’ expectations. Anita’s parents are unaware of her struggles; they are focused on convincing her to pursue engineering after completing this program.

Anita continues to live in her parental home and experiences ongoing parental involvement and control in her life. Anita tries to support her parents as much as possible and fulfill their expectations. She leaves school early to pick up her younger sister from school, so neither parent has to leave work early. To accommodate her younger sister’s schedule, Anita adjusts her schoolwork and project meetings, and these adjustments cause stress for her.

Impacts of Family and Systemic Violence

Anita’s parents’ control of her has affected her physically, mentally and emotionally. She used the word stress and a variation of it 29 times during the interview to express how she felt about the control. However, she feels she has become skilled at managing her parents’ arguments, with “very few breakdowns.” She feels that many other children would not have been able to endure what she endured. As for the stress caused by her studies, she has “breakdowns” before every exam and assignment deadline. She has worry lines on her forehead and is conscious of how those lines have affected her appearance.