5.3 Tactical Empathy

Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss took a different stance on the negotiation process in his recent book Never Split the Difference, where he promotes the idea of tactical empathy. In Voss’s negotiation strategy, by empathizing with the other party, the negotiator can win trust and bring that other party over to his side, where he then involves her in solving “her problem” (Voss & Raz, 2017).  This follows Stuart Diamond’s book, valuing people by acknowledging their intelligence, after which the negotiator advances his point of view by asking the other party’s opinion. The process relies simply on the idea that both parties understand each other’s point of view when it comes to this subject.

Voss (2017) also provides some psychological techniques that help connect you, as the negotiator, to the other party. He suggests “mirroring” what the other party says by repeating their last three words before adding your thoughts. Mirroring helps the other party feel more secure and heard. The negotiator can also help foster security with the other party by allowing them to offer up a few “no” responses to requests. “Pushing too quickly for a yes can lead to mistrust,” he says. By asking questions that “bait the ‘no,’” Voss helps the other party feel in control. “Is this a bad time to talk?” he might ask. “No,” the other party might reply, “this is a good time.”

This differs from Diamond’s approach to negotiation in that Diamond is advocating for a genuine personal connection to put the other party at ease, while Voss uses techniques and tactics that do the same without having to make a personal investment. However, both strategies follow Ury’s and Fisher’s recommendation of “separating the person from the problem” to a more thoughtful, purposeful level.

“Module 11: Conflict and Negotiation” from Organizational Behaviour and Human Relations by Barbara Egel and Robert Danielson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International license, except where otherwise noted.