25 The third challenge (Apollo v. Hermes in Olympian Court): 322-396

His Introduction on Olympus:

In no time at all, they arrived at the climax.

Location:

the summit of Olympus

which-pierced-the-clouds

smoky-with-the-incense-of-worshippers.

Two exceptionally glorious sons of Zeus

came before the throne of the Father

(their father),

Kronos’ son and heir

seeking a ruling on their quarrel.

Each handed over the required trial deposit:

a heavy talent of solid gold.

Now the outcome

–which of them would prevail–

stood balanced on the scale.

Witness the contest of cleverness

that occurred that day on snowy Olympus                       325

The Trial

Time: Late Morning

The immortal jury of the unchanging gods assembled

just after she finally reached the high heavens,

Eos

the Dawn

radiant-flowers-of-gold-woven-in-the-horizon-of-her-dress.

Two plaintiffs were before the court:

Hermes vs.

Apollo threateningly-holding his-silver-bow

(full of violence, just like the last time he was on Olympus)

But both stood as equals now

–in status, if not in physical size–

barely up to the towering knees of Zeus’ judgement.

It was decided to let the son of Zeus speak first

–the radiant son, that is.

Zeus greeted him

his-voice-the-loud-boom-of-thunder:

“Welcome back Purifying Light, Phoebus!

What spoils

— evidence of your many accomplishments —

are you hauling back this time?

[Should we add them to the pile?]

Hmmm…

this time, it seems your youthful cattle-raid against our enemies

[was very profitable for you, my greedy son]

as I can see that you have hauled back

truly mighty and dangerous plunder:       330

one child:

tiny

recently born.

[Awww. What an adorable baby!]

holding his cute widdle staff,

he must think he is a herald.

[here to announce an important message]

–Ahem.–

Clearly such a tiny sight could only herald… (get it?)

the introduction of a equally

“weighty”

matter

for consideration before the gods’ Assembly.

[So, tell us: what is the baby accused of? Elder abuse?”]

He spoke back in response —

the king,

whose-deeds-are-far-known

Apollo.

“Hail Father,

you will hear my charges presently and

after you have heard them,

you will regret being so dismissive.

You will no longer suggest that I…

— that HE —

is feeble.

And perhaps then

you will finally stop teasing me

about my zeal for gifts and plunder

I mean…

it is not as if I am the only god

who loves heaping up wealth and honours! 335

-Ahem-.

Look again, more carefully, at this “child”

For  you should not properly call him plunder

but rather:

…

plunder-er!

[As he is a common highway bandit!]

Though even this title is not sufficient

to communicate the true scale of his crimes

You should dub him instead

by a more accurate alias:  

distant-threshold-piercing-thief!

Because HE is the very thief,

far from his crime that

I found:

in Cyllene. In the mountainous domain

where I completed my far-journey 

questing across many lands for the stolen herd.

[Nor is this his only crime or title.]

Perhaps we should call him

by his true title:

little-fork-tongued-liar!

For never have I seen someone lie

with such blasphemy and impiety

not among the gods

Not even among men

across the countless cheats and liars on the earth.

[But let me be clear about my accusations

and about the scope of his ability:]

This one

stole those most dangerous cattle

from ME!

Right out of their meadow

though it was heavily guarded.

It must have been worthy of epic poetry:

He was driving them   340

under blanket of night’s darkest hours,

across the grains of sand

near the loud-roaring sea.

Straight to Pylos,

He was driving them.

But that is not all:

He left tracks! Two kinds and monstrous!

When you hear about these you will finally acknowledge

[the capability of my opponent:]

these deeds were

awesome, glory-bringing  

done by a opponent:

feared, whose manly shouts are respected on the battlefield

[whose defeat will bring great glory.]

The first set of tracks:

in the case of the cows’

they went back to their meadow,

Just the tracks, I mean; not the cows —

their steps somehow made to turn backwards

clear proof again and again in the black dirt.     345

[And not just anyone can make cows walk backwards!]

The second set of tracks:

[Here is where it gets really impressive.]

This so-called “child” you see before you

Though after this you will no longer call him

widdle-baby 

but by his true title:

indescribable-inescapable-scheme-crafter!

[because of the audacity of his invention!]

This very one here…

[–though he will claim to have soft baby feet,

unable to walk upon the hard ground–]

did not walk across that sandy land using feet!

He didn’t even use his hands!

No —

his marks were pressed in the path

by means of some devious contrivance:

which made steps both monstrous and terrifying,

I don’t know what exactly he had invented

but it was a thing worthy of epic poetry

almost as if he

walked with slender branches

instead of legs, while

across the grains of sand

He was driving them.  350

[Wait — did I use that verse before?

Well, repetition only adds emphasis!]

Still not convinced?

Well, the tale of my epic contest (and the tracks) is not yet done —

No matter how horrible and crafty those tracks were,

at least they were something I could follow.

As I said before, they were:

clear proof again and again in the black dirt

But not long after, the tracks

completely disappeared!

For…

he had pierced the threshold

of a new land; after

across the grains of sand,

he had far-journeyed

Like I said, they had became invisible to perception —

Not just his but the cows’ too!

–The tracks, I mean…

[although, for all I know, he was invisible as well]–

Let me clarify:

over the tracks of rocky, hard soil.

No tracks could be seen, no imprint

Thankfully, despite being imperceptible

a mortal was able to perceive him:

after a little interrogation,

he told me everything.

He said that this one had gone:

headed straight to Pylos.

–Oh– Not alone though.

Clearly. I almost forgot to finish the verse..

the broad-fronted cows ,      355

He was driving them.

[By the time I got there,

he wasn’t in Pylos anymore…]

Of course not.

he had shut the cattle away

hidden in some secluded sanctuary;

[But that is not the end!]

[Witness now evidence of his impious trickiness]

For:

with mind and hands still burning to do evil,

the wicked one lay down further deceptions.

Behold the first deception:

More tracks!

No wait, this one is good…

For these tracks

He left some

on one side of the road

and some

fully on the other!

[so that he appeared like an enormous monster]

The second deception:

He hid himself deviously

in the blankets of his crib!

As the man says:

like those who cloak their deeds and purpose

under blanket of night’s darkest hours,

Hidden there deep

in the murky darkness of his underworld lair.

where not even the keenest-eyed of eagles, Zeus-sent 

could see his dark deeds,

looking down from the bright heights

Third Deception:

With sinister hands

he again and again…  360

wiped sleepily at his eyes.

…

He was not really sleepy, mind you!

This was an act of deceptive craft!

And finally

the Fourth Deception:

— here is the real disrespect,

the real proof of his impiety and

and lack of reverence towards the gods —

Before I could speak or conduct a proper inquiry

he fielded the following bald-faced lies,

[despite his heinous crimes]

swearing, straight to my face:

‘I have seen nothing, with certainty,

I do not know anything, for sure,

I have not heard anything relevant from anyone else.

So, I am sorry, but I am not able to give any testimony for the prosecution

–in the case of your cows–

not even if you were offering a reward.'”

This concluded his accusation.

Afterwards he returned to his seat:

the Purifying-light,

Apollo.            365

Hermes

rose in response,

crafting a perfect rebuttal in his mind.

He started by pointing

dramatically

at the son

and heir of Kronos,

conductor of all the gods.

“O great Zeus

— Or should I say father?… can I call you dad? —

[It would be great for my case

if you could acknowledge our relationship here.]

*Ahem*

You must trust that I will tell you what really happened

and not a detail more,

for I am direct and unerring (just like your plan) and,

as for deception…

[I literally don’t know the meaning of the word.]

It happened like this:

that guy (who I have never met before in my life)

broke into our house:

he was furious and madly raving,

yelling something about cattle with a rolling gait.   370

Note that this was first thing in the morning and

no one, not even the sun, had been up long.

Also, he didn’t bring with him any of the carefree gods

as witnesses or officials, as is proper.

No. He just broke down our door and

then he started demanding that we testify:

First he tried to coerce us using physical force

–against our rules–

But then he threatened a worse fate:

to condemn me to the depths of Tartaros

–(without your permission!)–

if I did not speak quickly.

I was truly helpless.

Just compare the two of us

[and you will see how unequal this competition is.]

On the one side

he

possesses the full bloom

of glory-hungry adolescence   375

One the other:

I

was born yesterday!

I am literally a newborn baby.

Despite his wild accusations,

[It is all so unlikely.]

I do not have the physical traits required of a

a cattle-driver,

or a youthful cattle-raider.

No. In order to be a proper cattle-driver, you must look

like him:

big,

strong,

adult.

When I make the following formal statements,

you must trust your baby boy …dad.

–Can I call you dad?

for surely, even though you have not said anything yet,

you must boast with pride that you are are my daddy dearest.–

[And again,  it would be great if you could acknowledge that here,

on the record in front of everyone.]–

-Ahem-

I swear:

I have never driven any cattle into my home

(I only wish I were that rich!)

Nor have I ever set my tender foot upon the road back. 380

You yourself know that the claim that I have fielded above

is superior as it is both

probable (according to likelihood)

and

true — strictly speaking.

[But I should address one more of his accusations

namely that I lack proper piety and respect towards the gods.

This is manifestly untrue:]

Regarding Helios’ piercing gaze and what daylight reveals

I am most definitely god-fearing.

Towards the little divine spirits trying to make a name for themselves

I have always provided proper honours.

To you too, great Zeus

Of course I give reverence and love to my father.

Even in regards to him,

it is proper to say that I consider him full of religious dread

…you know…

properly dreadfull.

In conclusion:

It was not my actions which first

started this mess

you yourself, dad, know what I mean.

I am not guilty of that.

But watch me

— as I edge closer to the exit —

physically

grab

hold of

a weighty

witness

for my

oath.

There.

By the ornate threshold of the gods’ palace

–which I, totally coincidentally,

now stand safely outside–

I swear: ‘No!’

I further swear this:

somehow I will visit payback on that one  385

in the matter of these heinous actions

though the very powerful

think themselves untouchable.

But, in the matter of this case

[and against such a one as him–]

since I am so much

younger and

weaker and

lack status in this court

I can only beg for your patronage and support

as my elder.

[Again, it would be great, if you could confirm that.]

As he finished, he gave a sly and shameless wink

the great god,

Cyllene-born

Watchdog-slayer.

He was actually nervous though.

Since beneath his swaddling clothes

concealed under his right arm,

his secret weapon

had yet to be revealed.

he was unable to strip down and

cast his garments to the floor.

[as he normally would have

in preparation for a quick getaway.]

Zeus,

seeing the antics of

the wicked-minded little child

–his child–

[for surely Hermes sought formal acknowledgement of this fact]

watching him

deny –so cleverly– that he had anything to do with cattle,

couldn’t help

but laugh.   390

A transformative laugh that changed everything.

Zeus issued his formal ruling in the case:

In the matter of his child and heir

both of them

[–For he had acknowledged the status of Apollo and Hermes both–]

 were to join their hearts and purposes into one.

 They would go in search of the cattle

Together.

He further ruled, commanding:

Hermes was

to receive the title ‘Guide’,

[further cementing his status on Olympus]

to take the lead on the journey.

going first (and foremost)

…but also…

[Zeus wagged his finger, saying this]

to stop playing wicked tricks.

He commanded Hermes

to reveal –without deception–the place

where he had concealed the mighty head of cattle.

The son and heir of Kronos

then nodded,

making his order into divine law.

He obeyed:

radiant Hermes. 395

For the mind and plans of

Zeus,

who-bears-the-aegis-of-kingship,

know how to inspire obedience. Easily.

As commanded,

the two magnificent heirs of Zeus,

quickly traveled from Olympus

together.