21 The first challenge (Hermes vs. Maia): 142-183

Divine Opposition (I)

–Hermes vs. Maia–

The place: Cyllene.

Now he is back

among the sacred mountain peaks

(sacred because of Hermes’ birth).

The time: just before dawn.

Despite the

long return journey and

busy, winding road back,

He had been noticed by no one

neither among

the changeless, immortal gods

nor

those of constant, violent change: men.

not even a bark from the others:  dogs.      145

(they wouldn’t dare)

For he was:

Hermes —

Watchdog-Slayer

the Luck-bringing-friend-with-benefits,

heir-to-Zeus (no bedroom door is safe against him)!

Reaching the threshold of the house,

he was confronted by a locked door;

he turned his existence sideways and

pierced straight through a narrow crack

like:

a hot breeze pushed before

an angry summer storm

or

the morning fog,

carried in the arms of Nymphs

he blew straight through the cave

and into his temple

— rich-with-sacrifice—

(ie. his crib)

As the saying goes:

On airy feet, he crept in further

leaving behind no trace, nothing:

not even the sound of a step.

Hermes:

his reputation-is-legendary

[mighty warrior

whose loud shouts command respect on the battlefield]

Watch him prepare for battle.

With a quick warrior’s movement,

he leapt astride and mounted his mighty steed crib.  150

Over broad, divine shoulders

he fastened the mantle of his breastplate swaddling blanket.

Now, appropriately armoured,

he appeared just like a baby

A clueless baby, babbling nonsense.

One tiny hand aimlessly playing

grabbing the blanket around his knees,

as he lay happily in his crib.

But

under his right arm,

his secret weapon lay concealed,

waiting to be revealed:

the lovely Tortoise-shell.

[These crafty actions confirm his reputation as

most glorious

leader of thieves,

impossible to notice!]

[But his actions were noticed then,]

by his mother.

for though he was a mighty god,

the attentions of a mighty goddess

could not so easily be evaded.

She spoke to him sternly,

with all her authority as mother

and mistress of the house:[1]

“You scheming little trickster! Where did you come in from just now?

I can not even imagine what sort of scandalous, illicit deeds you have been up to

under the cloak of the night’s darkest hours       155

– buck naked, I’ll add–

clothed only in your lack of shame?

I do not even want to know —

but I have a prediction as to what the result will be:

I see a set of bonds entangling you, wrapping tight around you

— inescapable (even for someone as slippery as you). And

I see the hands of that mighty son of Leto (that hussy) arresting you,

dragging you forcefully across our threshold.

Fine by me. It is less shameful for you to be arrested

than it is for you to keep acting like some

common cattle-thief

skulking off-road,

holed away in some hidden cave.

.

For all I care, you can go to hell

–or at least back to whatever pit

spawned you!–

It was clearly part of your Father’s grand plan

to create a troublesome monster

a plague, who would add to the crowd of worries        160

for those of violent change: men

                            but even for we changeless, carefee gods.”

Hermes countered

with a carefully crafted oration:

“Hi mom.

Why do you greet me like this:

— talking down to me as if I were a child

some clueless baby babbling nonsense?

–slinging accusations about my motivations,

as if I didn’t have some greater objective in mind?

Am I expected to sit here trembling

just because my mom disapproves?    165

No. Make no mistake — I am the authority here. 

I am fully able

to take care of myself;

to forge

whatever plans are necessary and

the crafts necessary to achieve them.

Trust that all my schemes will be accomplished masterfully.

I can take care of you too,

if you ask nicely.

[But it is rich to hear you criticize me

for my ‘shameful’ deeds or for hiding out in a cave…]

Maybe my role among the divine hierarchy

will mean that I am ultimately called cattle-tender? So what?![2]

From this point on,

we will not remain separate from the gods;

That was your plan, not mine.

No longer

will we be the only immortals

without

proper gifts of honour and

prayers of worshippers.

Do you really prefer for us to sneak around,

holed up in this place forever?

Let me share my grand plan and prediction for our future:

Option 1:

We will join the Assembly of the immortal gods,

as peers to even the highest among them:    170

wealthy,

weighed down by gifts,

and with wide estates.

–Surely that is better than staying at home,

hiding out in this dank cave.–

And it does not matter what our timai ultimately ends up being.

As far as our divine roles go and the accompanying honours:

Zeus owes me something big and important

–I am his son and heir after all– so watch me collect.

I will not be satisfied unless I am made at least as wealthy

as that famously greedy child of Leto.

Option 2:

Let’s say that my father does not

give me my lawful inheritance,

then I have an alternative future for you:

I will just take everything I am owed.

Trust me, if nothing else is offered,

I am more than capable of proving that:

I am the best at crime and,

of all thieves,

the first and foremost.  175

Option 3:

Let us say that you are correct,

and the future which you have predicted comes about.

I am ready for that too.

In the unlikely event that Leto’s son

somehow manages to track me here

seeking payback

Let him come

His stories are so predict-able (get it — ‘predict’?).

He won’t be able to predict what he’ll find  instead when he gets here :

wicked omens and

an even worse fate to come.

Here is my prediction for his future:

I will already be gone, heading directly to Pytho

into his sacred temple,

piercing straight through the locked doors.

He hoards so much wealth there… so many offerings and honours:

sacrificial tripods,

silver pitchers

and gold, of course.

I will steal all of it,

every last ounce

down to the very fixtures and

the mounds of shining iron tools.          180

Even his sacred undergarments.

And if you just get onboard,

all the rewards of this shining future

can be yours as well.”

Arguing like this,

the two great forces continued jockeying for authority:

the heir to Zeus who-bears-the-aegis-of-kingship, and

Maia, the powerful queen.