6.1 Common Myths

FACT
No behaviour or manner of dress justifies an assault. The onus is on the perpetrator not to sexually assault. The idea that a survivor “asked for it” is often used by perpetrators to rationalize their behaviour and is supported by a culture of victim blaming.

FACT
No one is owed sex or intimacy. If you are nice to someone, or spend money on them, your expectation should not be sex or intimacy. People should not be persuaded, pestered, pushed, convinced, or coerced to do something they do not want to do, and if someone says no – directly or indirectly – this should be respected the first time. Many perpetrators are charming and use coercive tactics that appear socially acceptable, including buying someone gifts, drinks, or dinner to get what they want.

FACT
Some acts of sexual violence are perpetrated by strangers; however, perpetrators are most often members of your family, a partner, someone you have dated, someone in your friend group or a colleague. A perpetrator can be a “nice guy.” They could have any job, position, or status in society. They are outwardly the same as anyone else.

FACT
Girls, women, trans, gender non-conforming, and non-binary folks are considerably more likely than men to be harmed by sexual violence, however, boys and men of all ages, sizes, appearances, sexual orientations, and gender expressions can be survivors of sexual violence.

FACT
There are many ways to say no using both verbal and non-verbal communication. Many perpetrators will rationalize their behaviour based on this myth by saying that because the person did not say no they thought they had consent. There is an onus on all of us to ensure that someone is saying “Yes!” to sexual activity. A person who is incapacitated by alcohol and drugs cannot consent. A person who is asleep or unconscious cannot consent. A person who is scared, pressured, or manipulated cannot consent. You cannot consent if the person is in a position of power over you such as a professor or TA.Sometimes people think when a person says no, they really mean yes, and secretly want to be teased, coerced, pushed, or forced into having sex. No one enjoys being assaulted. Social norms and gender norms sometimes make this confusing, so if you are unsure ask for clarification.

FACT
Sexual assault occurs whenever a person is forced into an act, regardless of previous consensual sexual relations. Being in a relationship with someone – even a long-term committed relationship or a marriage – does not mean you have the right to have sex with that person without continued consent. Consent is active and ongoing. People have the right to change their mind, even if sexual activity has already begun – this is everyone’s right, including yours.

FACT
The number of false reports for sexual assault is very low, the same rate as they are for other crimes. However, sexual assault is one of the most under-reported crimes. Canadian statistics show that less than 10% of people who have been assaulted report the incident. Most survivors do not report because they fear not being believed, they feel embarrassed or humiliated, they fear re-victimization, or they fear their perpetrator.

FACT
Many survivors are too afraid to struggle. They may freeze in terror or realize that resistance could be very dangerous. They may also be under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs and be unable to flee. One person’s experience of sexual assault is no less serious than another’s because one perpetrator used force and another used manipulation.

FACT
Sexual assault can have serious effects on people’s health and well-being. People who have been sexually assaulted may feel fear, depression, helplessness, anxiety, and anger, amongst other emotions. Regardless of the age at which the violence occurred, or the details of the incident, survivors can experience physical and emotional effects.

FACT
Harassment in the workplace is a common abuse of power and authority. Sexual harassment threatens people’s goals, career, reputation and/or opportunities – and is often minimized by others, especially when the workplace culture is one that condones such behaviour.