3.2 Knowing the Self

“Self is the vehicle by which relationships develop” (Budd, 2020, p. 80).

What is the Self? And why is it an important component of Child and Youth Care practice? There are many people who have attempted to explain/convey the concept of the Self throughout history, including philosophers, theorists and writers, but for the purposes of this resource, the following definition, written by prominent CYC practitioner Michael Burns, will be used:

The Self is the expression of the union of your mind and your body in relationship to your culture and the environment you occupy. The Self is the sum of all that is you; your experiences, your relationships past and present, your genetics, your mind, and your body—everything about you, conscious and unconscious. (Burns, 2016, p. 9)

So, essentially, the Self is you. Your experiences, your perceptions, your values, your relationships—everything that has happened to you up to this point in your life has impacted how you came to be who you are today.  It is difficult to truly know your Self without reflecting on past experiences and how you came to be where you are now. All those experiences will come into play in the relationships you have or will have with children and youth in your placements and during your future career as a CYC.

Knowing your Self is an ongoing and reflective process that will continue throughout your career as a CYC—and one that is necessary to being an effective CYC. But it isn’t an easy task getting to know one’s Self, which is why it is a topic discussed repeatedly in CYC education.

“Reflect, remain gentle and take action. Reflecting on the good and not so good from a gentle approach is in everyone’s favor. If you reflect gently on your – self awareness, self care, professionalism & cultural competency and take action to what needs your attention….you will always be growing and lighting that good way for other’s that need you.” Chantelle Day, CYC Grad and Placement Supervisor

The work we do as CYCs requires that we make connections and build relationships with children, youth, and families within their life space. To do this, CYCs need to rely on what Burns (2016) calls the “heart-brain:” a powerful and significant tool used to connect with children/youth by means of the heart—an emotional, personal, and sensory connection. You cannot develop these connections and work from the heart unless you have a strong and healthy connection to your own Self. When a CYC has this healthy connection to Self, they can then, through relationships, allow the children and youth to connect with their own self-healing powers. To achieve this goal, you, “as a student of child and youth care, must critically self-examine your feelings, thoughts, and behaviours, both past and present, to uncover any major impediment, roadblock, or distorted ideas so that your relationships with children/youth are meaningful and, most of all, authentic” (Burns, 2016, p. 10).

A way to ensure that you are giving children/youth that necessary healthy connection is to “examine who you are and, over time, grow and develop into a CYC with a balanced heart” (Burns, 2016, p. 9). To develop what Michael Burns (2016) calls a balanced heart, you need to “critically explore and reflect on [your] life” and uncover the “ideas, truths, or notions that [you have] formulated as a result of misguided information, emotional disturbance, trauma or faulty cognition” (p. 10). You then need to reflect on how you can “transform them into affirming, inclusive and growth-oriented perspectives” (Burns, 2016, p. 10). This balanced heart takes time and ongoing maintenance to achieve and is not necessarily a straightforward process.

In this module, we will discuss three paths to building and maintaining this balanced heart:

1. Implementing reflective practice
2. Preventing and addressing burnout
3. Developing a self-care plan