Chapter 6: Personal Considerations
51 Changes In Relationships
Regardless of whether you move away from home to go to college or you stay at home and commute to campus, your existing relationships are likely to change. We have already talked about the time commitment that is needed for college, which is likely to mean less time with the people you are used to spending the most time with. If you do move away from school, the added geographic space will also add to the challenge of maintaining your relationships back home.
– Explain the changes to your schedule and how that will impact the amount of time you can dedicate to them
– Be realistic and schedule time dedicated to fulfilling your responsibilities with your loved ones
As an international student, you have the added factor of being much further away from your loved ones than others. Beyond the typical challenges, you will also be combating time zones and may rely on technology to connect.
-Share your new time zone with your loved ones back home
– Determine a common time and a day of the week that works for you and them and commit to being available at that time to maintain those relationships
– Decide on a platform you will use to connect and make sure you have a phone plan or internet access setup
If you are moving out of your parents’/guardians’ home, there will be many other challenges and changes you are experiencing. Your parent(s)/guardian(s) may not be prepared for the change in your relationship and may expect you to check in frequently via text or phone call. You will need to determine how much you can and want to keep in contact and be honest with them.
Your pre-college friends may not be attending the same campus as you, which will certainly change the relationship. A change in friendship doesn’t mean these people aren’t still important, but this is often the biggest change that students are surprised by. Life gets busy and they forget to text back. You’re in the middle of a class when they try to FaceTime you. It can be difficult to maintain contact when both of your lives are changing at the same time.
College is also a time of huge transformation. Many people mature and develop themselves during college, which often results in people losing connection with previous friends and significant others. It does not mean that these people weren’t important to you, but they may not complement the new you and that’s ok!
You and your relationships will be unique and personal to you, so you will need to assess what will change, how you need to communicate that, and how that will impact your life as you continue your studies.
Roommates
A relationship that may be new to you is becoming a roommate. You may be staying in residence or perhaps you have rented a house or apartment off-campus. You may have lived with your family before this, but living with new people is a very different experience. You will need to get to know the person/people you will be living with and learn how to deal with their quirks and idiosyncrasies (as they will have to get to know yours). This can be frustrating, but there are some ways for you to make it a better situation:
- Discuss & divide responsibilities the first week – being on the same page as your roommate(s) is key so everyone agrees on when and by whom common spaces will be cleaned.
- Communicate often – if someone is doing something that is bothering you, talk to them and be kind but clear; it could be a misunderstanding. But also be prepared to have some tough conversations.
- Consider others – don’t leave your dishes in the sink or your laundry in the common areas, and be quiet when others are sleeping.
- Don’t expect perfection – no one (including you) is perfect! Do not expect that others won’t make mistakes at some point. But remember to communicate and be forgiving (to a certain extent!)
- Agree on common costs/quality of items – decide on the ply of the toilet paper early, because if you buy the $14 3-ply and the next time your roommate buys the $6 1-ply, you (and your tush!) are not going to be pleased.
- Distribute utilities – rather than putting all utilities in one person’s name, distribute the different utilities amongst all the roommates, then e-transfer the difference (if applicable) at the end of the month. This will also help you by learning how to manage utilities.
- Discuss guests – if you want to have people over, you should discuss it with your roommates first. If one of your roommates has a test to study for and you have 3 friends over, it’s going to be hard for your roommate to focus.
- Give each other space – Just because you’re all living under the same roof doesn’t mean that you can’t reserve some alone time for yourself or hang out with other friends outside of your house. Learning how to “be alone” with your roommates and giving each other space is key to a harmonious household.
- Stay open to change – both you and your roommates’ social, academic, and personal lives will go through many changes throughout the school year. It’s therefore important to be flexible about the rules, people, and schedules that may come and go within your living arrangement.
Resources for Roommates
One of the best ways to avoid issues with roommates is to discuss things early (like day 2!). Use these generic roommate templates to help you get started on the right foot.
