12 EARS: 4 Habits for Active Listening

Prepare for the Conversation

If possible, take a moment to imagine how a conversation might play out before it starts. You might make a list of facts you know and things you don’t know. You might brainstorm a few questions that you’d like answered. You might even imagine how a speaker will react to tough questions or imagine what their answers could possibly be.

The key to preparation is to remember that you’re only picturing possibilities. The point of a conversation is that the speaker has the opportunity to speak for themselves. Don’t get so caught up in your imagination that you become emotional or closed-minded about things that haven’t even been said. If you assume you know the other person’s answers before they speak, it may cause you overlook important new details or perspectives. Be sure to keep your mind–and your EARS–wide open.

EARS: 4 Habits for Effective Listening

EARS stands for: (1. ) Encourage the speaker”; (2.) “Ask questions”; (3.) “Read non-verbals”; and (4.) “Slow down.”

1. Encourage the speaker:

Be receptive to what the other person has to say, even if you’re not sure you agree. Remember, being receptive does not mean being passive. Give the speaker cues so that they know that you want to hear what they have to say. You might find yourself opening up to new perspectives if you encourage them to share theirs.

• Use your verbal signals or words:
  • use small sounds to show support, appreciation, or understanding of what the speaker is saying.
  • if you need to clarify an important point, ask if you can reiterate the speaker’s words. Use a phrase like “Are you saying that…?” or “I hear you saying…Is that right?”
• Use your non-verbal signals or body language:
  • make eye contact to show respectful attention;
  • smile or show appropriate reactions with your facial expression;
  • nod your head to show understanding and encouragement.

2. Ask questions:

Use the Traffic Light Question Technique to keep the conversation flowing. Each type of question has a strategic purpose:

• Green light questions open up the conversation, encouraging the speaker to say more.
  • These include TED questions (questions that start with “tell,” “explain,” or “describe”).
  • They are effective for establishing rapport or creating an overall mental model of an incident or event.
  • Ex. “Tell me more about how your night went?”
• Yellow light questions can speed up or slow down the speaker, depending on the question.
  • These include 5WH questions (who? what? when? where? why? how?).
  • They are effective for gathering specific details.
  • Ex. “Where did you go after dinner?”
• Red light questions will stop the speaker’s flow. Their structure implies that only brief, factual answers are needed.
  • These questions produce yes/no answers or other short, simple answers.
  • They are effective for confirming something that’s already been said.
  • They are helpful for redirecting a speaker who is losing focus.
  • Ex. “Did you like the food?”

3. Read non-verbals:

Experts estimate that 70%-90% of communication comes from signs and signals other than word choice.

• Watch for body language: eye contact, facial expression, blushing, sweating, hand gestures, body positioning, and posture
  • Does the speaker’s body language seem consistent with what their words are saying? Or does it seem to contradict it?
  • There are many reasons why a person’s body language might make a person seem anxious: avoiding eye contact is not always a sign of dishonesty.
  • Different cultures express body language differently:
    • what might seem disrespectful to you might be a sign of respect in another culture (ex. standing very close to another person).
    • what might seem respectful to you might appear aggressive or threatening to someone from a different background (ex. direct eye contact).
• Listen for vocal qualities: speed, pitch, tone, and volume
  • Do any of these qualities seem to change or intensify when a person discusses a particular topic or incident?
  • What could it mean if they suddenly start speaking louder and faster? If their voice suddenly sounds high-pitched and tight?
  • Is their manner of speaking consistent with the words that they’re using or story they’re telling?
  • If they’re describing a happy moment, do they sound calm and relaxed? Or do they sound angry or tense?

4. Slow down

Too often, we want to rush the other speaker so that we can have a turn. Remember to slow down and really listen.

• Allow for occasional silences. The space gives both you and the speaker an opportunity to collect your thoughts and process other points of view.
• Let the conversation unfold naturally:
  • Avoid leading questions (questions that hint at the answer you want to hear).
  • Avoid imposing your own opinions or theories onto the speaker.
  • Avoid becoming over-excited, accusatory, or intimidating.

If you find yourself fighting the urge to rush the speaker or cut them off, remember to take a breath and slow down!