82 Me with My Thoughts
Brianna Slowley
At the beginning of COVID-19, I had just moved to Canada from the beautiful island of Jamaica, and I was starting my second semester of grade 9 at 14 years old. I was terrified as one could be, as this was a whole new world to me. When I first heard about COVID-19 it was on the news in December of 2019, all they said was it was a virus in China, and it was serious. In March 2020, it came to Canada, and it started to spread globally. It went from two weeks of no school to completely being quarantined and locked down for the next two years. I was already new to the country and the whole school, so I did not make any friends for the first two years living here. I felt as though I was alone all the time with my thoughts. It felt like my thoughts were my only friends. My thoughts became overwhelming due to the state of the world and this feeling of being trapped in a cage. I became depressed and wanted this life to end, as it only felt as though it offered repeated sorrow. COVID-19 did not just reshape how my brain thinks but it shaped how I adapt to change and view things.
My day-to-day life during COVID-19 was very repetitive, I would wake up at 7:00 AM, eat my breakfast, join my Zoom class at 8:30 and go back to sleep while on Zoom. I felt like I was not learning anything, and I didn’t care to learn anything because I was home – stuck inside while people around me were dying outside. During quarantine you were not allowed to leave your house without a mask, and people were not allowed to go around for walks on the block, as it was mandatory to stay inside. One of my greatest challenges during COVID-19 and the lockdown was staying motivated. I was bored out of my mind each day, even watching TV, and scrolling on TikTok became boring. I missed my home in Jamaica, the warmth of the sun on my skin and the comfort of being around people I knew and loved. I felt so alone in this cold place trapped with only my thoughts inside while a virus killed millions outside.
However, despite the dark days, I did manage to find a ray of sunlight. Through this experience, I was able to gain an understanding of people and how to deal with difficult situations such as facing death and coping with uncertainty. The virus COVID-19 has left a lasting effect on the world. Experiencing it at such a young age, I was forced to understand and accept this. No matter how one tries to control the uncontrollable they will fail. But the one thing you can do, is accept that things are the way that they are and keep pushing forward. You push to make it to the other side and if you don’t make it to the other side, the fact that you tried is all you need. This realization also helped me to develop resistance and a deeper appreciation for the smaller moments of peace and joy that we experience in life. I learned that even in the most challenging times growth is possible and sometimes the smallest and simplest victory is victory itself.
A significant cultural shift that I experienced during COVID-19 was adapting to my new life in Canada. I was 14 years old, and this was the first country I had ever been in, except for my home country. At the age of 11, I was told I was moving to Canada so when I finally arrived, I was expecting something amazing but instead of excitement, I was met with a cold wind and death. Every day I would cry to go home, my skin would cry for the warmth of Jamaica, where my eyes would seek to be surrounded by familiar faces, to eat my food, to speak my language, to be me. Every single little joy and every memory of Jamaica became a piece of precious jewelry to me.
Being in a new country during a global pandemic made the transition even harder. Schools were closed and I couldn’t meet new people or make friends which made me feel even more isolated. I was trapped between two worlds: physically in Canada but emotionally and mentally still in Jamaica. As the months went by, I tried to adjust to this new home, but I couldn’t feel comfortable, I just felt out of place. Canada has given me so many opportunities and experiences and I’m grateful for them all, but I still feel like an outsider. Even now, after five years living here in Canada, at night when I dream of all the thoughts in the back of my mind, I am back there just as nothing more than a 14-year-old girl from Jamaica who just wants to go home.
