17 Coping with Chaos: My COVID Story
Isabella Pastore
When Covid first began in March 2020, I was living with my parents and two younger brothers in my childhood home in Vaughan, Ontario. I was seventeen years old, turning eighteen and I was in my final year of high school.
My Covid experience was very chaotic as one might expect. At the start of March 2020, both of my parents were at a work conference in Las Vegas, while my brothers and I stayed home with my grandmother who was keeping us fed and helping us clean up. This was right before lockdown began so I was still going to school, but I remember already being fearful of getting sick, especially with my grandmother who was dealing with health issues. My parents being out of the country was very worrisome for me because I believe this was around the time that the Canadian Government was looking into potentially cancelling flights or having some sort of restrictions. Luckily, it was after my parents got back home when early lockdown began, and my “two-week” school break started. Ironically, before masks were mandatory in public spaces, my mom would force me to wear a mask when we would go get groceries and I remember feeling so embarrassed because I was the only one at the time and I received a lot of unwanted attention from it. Looking back, I find it a little funny how wearing a mask brought so much unwanted attention from others at the beginning of the pandemic, but then a couple months later, it was those who were not wearing the masks that received the unpleasant looks.
A shocking change I noticed more so at the beginning of the pandemic was the chaos in grocery stores over toilet paper and water. I would hear stories from people I knew that worked as shelf stockers who would get confronted by customers who believed that they were hiding toilet paper in the back of the store. It very much resembled those apocalyptic type movies.
The biggest change I experienced was when full lockdown began and my whole family was home with school and work becoming remote. In my area, lockdown lasted around two to two and a half years, with slight elevation in restrictions during the summer. This was a difficult change to get used to since I could no longer see my friends or family, whom I typically saw on a regular basis. Any time I was able to leave the house, wearing masks and socially distancing was mandatory, and everything would be washed or sanitized once we re-entered the house. The pressure to stay home was further enhanced with the Ontario police enforcing the stay-at-home order. Even inside however, no one was safe from hearing about the case numbers, the horrific symptoms and the death rates. Even when vaccines started to be administered, social media platforms and news outlets would debate the validity of the vaccines and spread misinformation and conspiracy theories – there was no catching a break.
Like many others, I really struggled with my mental health during Covid. The anxiety and stress surrounding Covid were a lot to handle, especially when everything seemed so divided. At the start, no one knew what the virus was exactly, how it worked, the long-term effects of it – it was all unknown. This uncertainty caused me a lot of anxiety and fear, especially with conflicting information on how to protect yourself and others; I didn’t know who to trust.
Seeing the posts online about the economic burden Covid was having on the world caused a lot of stress and hopelessness, especially in my generation who are young adults who are starting to become financially independent. When talking to friends we would constantly talk about our worry of how we were going to be able to afford to live in this economic state. It sounds dramatic, but life felt very despairing. Adding to this mental stress was the social isolation and loneliness. Before Covid, I relied on my friends to bring me a sense of joy and comfort; I felt my best around them. With the social distancing and lockdowns, getting a hug or even standing close to my friends not only felt dangerous to my health, but also as if I was committing a crime. My mental health suffered so badly that it got to a point where I stopped laughing, smiling and even talking for a period of time. With all the chaos going on, it was difficult to find healthy ways to cope, leading to further difficulties between my family members who were all struggling.
As devastating and unfortunate as Covid was, one thing that I am thankful for is the relationships I developed with my friends. Before Covid happened, my friends and I were already close, but going through Covid really strengthened our bond and my love I have for them. Having people close to you go through very similar situations and experience the same thoughts and feelings as you felt very reassuring and validating. My friends and I would spend hours on FaceTime talking, laughing and crying to each other and those were the moments that got me through Covid. They are individuals that I hold close to my heart and love dearly, and for them I would do it all again.
One course theme that is highly connected to my Covid experience is blame. During the whole pandemic (and still now), there was always someone or a group of people were blamed for the spread of the virus. One specific example I witnessed was the blame of East Asian people, specifically Chinese individuals. Online I would see lots of racism towards the Chinese and other East Asian nationalities that got mistaken as Chinese. For a while, Covid was referred to as the “Chinese Virus,” even by major political leaders and was blamed on the food Chinese people ate. I would often see news reports about hate crimes against Chinese people such as vandalism and physical and verbal attacks, even when the victims were not from China. I fortunately did not witness any of this maltreatment in my area, however it really broke my heart to see the racism and misinformation this community fell victim to.
