3 6 Feet Away: My COVID-19 Experience
Elise
When the COVID-19 lockdown began in March of 2020, I was living with my family in Toronto. At the time, I was 15 years old and in Grade 10—I distinctly remember turning 16 during lockdown. What I always imagined would be a typical 16th birthday party with my friends turned out to be a quiet day spent at home, surrounded only by my parents and brother. Occasionally, friends stopped by my porch, bearing gifts like homemade cookies and cards—while standing six feet away, of course.
I remember hearing about the rising COVID-19 cases on the news but never worried much about it. One afternoon, while I was returning from a Grade 10 field trip, I received an email announcing that school would be cancelled for the next two weeks. It was exciting news; I immediately thought about my overwhelming schoolwork and how I would get a break from the stress. That night, my mom and I went to Costco for what we expected would be a routine grocery run. Instead, we arrived to find the parking lot completely full and had to park on the street. I had never seen the store so packed before and I distinctly remember a long line wrapping around the aisles for toilet paper. One employee periodically announced that each customer was only entitled to one toilet paper pack. I joked to my mom: Was toilet paper the new apocalypse currency? I think that night was when COVID-19 started to feel serious to me.
After that day, my family followed what Public Health advised us to do: enter full lockdown. My brother—who was in Grade 12—and I spent the first weeks sitting around the house, while my parents began working remotely and meeting with their coworkers via video calls. When it became apparent that school would not be returning to normal, my brother and I began the dreaded ‘asynchronous’ learning process. I spent my days watching pre-recorded videos that my teachers posted and completing daily assignments. The school newspaper I was part of began meeting via Zoom calls and publishing our issues online. I also began recording asynchronous videos of myself playing the trumpet, instead of playing with my symphonic band. I found it unfulfilling to not be able to see my friends, but we would text and plan weekly group Zoom calls to ‘hang out.’ Over time, it began to feel like the new normal. My family joked that our dog must have been the happiest with this new arrangement: all of her humans kept her company at home and we were always taking her on family walks, looking for reasons to get outside.
The full lockdown lasted until June for my family. Then, when it was permitted, we entered a social ‘bubble’ with our family friends. We took advantage of the summer weather, hosting backyard dinner parties and renting a cottage together. In 2021, as restaurants began reopening, I worked at a cafe and was responsible for checking the ‘vaccination passports’ of customers who wanted to dine in. It felt strange that something as routine as drinking a cappuccino in a cafe had become a serious ordeal.
The greatest challenge during my COVID-19 experience was grappling with the loss of my grandfather while in lockdown. My grandpa died from cancer in late March 2020, when lockdown and safety measures were still very new and we did not have a clear understanding of COVID-19—it was still veiled in mystery. As a result, my dad left for a few weeks to be with my grandpa, while the rest of my family stayed back. When my grandpa died, I found it difficult to come to terms with this loss since I had not been able to see him in his final weeks or say goodbye to him. This was made worse by the fact that my dad was also gone, and I was separated from my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandmother. I felt isolated from my family, both physically and emotionally. I did not have a ‘normal’ grieving process, as there was no funeral to attend. A couple of months after his death, my extended family held a memorial service on Zoom, orchestrated by a funeral home, but I secretly found it impersonal and uncomfortable. To this day, I feel like I never got proper closure for the loss of my grandfather. I wish I was able to say a proper goodbye to him, and I think that is something that the lockdown stole from me.
Still, I think there were some positives that came from the COVID-19 lockdown. For instance, spending so much time alone at such a pivotal age definitely contributed to my personal development. I have heard some of my peers offer opposing opinions, explaining that, for them, isolation limited their ability to socialize, which had negative mental health effects and stunted their growth. In my case, I feel I matured throughout the pandemic, reflecting on myself independently of my development in relation to others. Before the lockdown, I spent most of my time either at school, in club meetings, or in band practice. In 2020, all of this was quickly traded for time spent at home. Ultimately, I realized that I had never spent much time alone. Turning 16 and gaining confidence in myself was a huge part of my development. I often wonder how that might have changed if my life had not completely shifted during lockdown.
I noticed a considerable amount of stigma attached to COVID-19, especially in the early days of the pandemic, which connects to our class discussions of disease and shame. During lockdown, my friends, family, and I viewed the virus as a mysterious entity; there were still many questions about how COVID-19 was contracted and how serious it was. We also witnessed the mass social disorder caused by the virus, from disruptions in school and work to the constant news coverage. As a result, we understood COVID-19 as something to be feared, avoiding contracting it or being around anyone who was sick. There were also moral judgements attached to catching COVID-19. When someone became sick, it raised certain questions: Were you masking properly? Were you social distancing? Blame became associated with contracting the virus. I distinctly remember in Grade 11, when we attended school in half-day cohorts, how we would receive anonymous emails if someone in our cohort reported having COVID-19. This spread fear about our own health and led to speculation among students about who was sick and how they caught it.
However, around two years into the pandemic, COVID-19 became less stigmatized and associated with blame in my circles. I think this shift occurred because life navigating COVID-19 became the new normal. We gained lived experience and a better understanding of COVID-19, so it was no longer a mysterious and disordering entity. This new normal persists today, in 2025. I no longer worry about COVID-19, but I still hear it brought up occasionally. I wear a mask on public transit or when I am under the weather, and I use video calls in my school and work. These are things I never did before 2020, but I foresee myself continuing to do them well into the future because, ultimately, COVID-19 changed our culture.