63 Isolation and Loss During the COVID-19 Pandemic
Anonymous
I was 16 years old, in the middle of 11th grade when I started hearing rumors about “corona virus”. I remember as early as January 2020 I started seeing TikToks about a virus spreading in a few different parts of the world. I was living and going to school in Vaughan, Ontario, and at this time, the virus felt removed from me. I never would’ve thought it would turn into a global pandemic and have permanent effects on many lives.
In the first weeks of March 2020, I started hearing more and more about COVID-19. Every day, more cases were being reported. News outlets started to report deaths from the virus as well. My dad’s 50th birthday was on March 13th, 2020, and my mom had planned a celebratory dinner with my whole family on March 12th. We were aware of the existence of COVID-19, however we didn’t yet understand the severity of the virus. We had my dad’s dinner as planned, however I distinctly remember no one hugged or kissed out of fear of the virus.
That day, it was announced that Ontario schools would be closed for 2 weeks following March break. I remember feeling excited about this because I thought it meant I could spend the next few weeks relaxing and taking a break from my schoolwork. In the following days and weeks, non-essential businesses were closed, social distancing rules were implemented, and people were urged to not leave their houses unless necessary. Essentially, we went into a state of “lockdown.” In Vaughan, streets were empty. The only businesses that were open were grocery stores, hospitals, and a few fast-food restaurants. For the next 6 months, I only left my house to go for a walk with my dog, or to accompany one of my parents to the grocery store. Before lockdown, I was a competitive dancer and went to dance class 5-6 times per week. All my dance classes moved to virtual platforms for the next year, and I took dance classes in my basement through a computer screen. I also really liked school, however I had virtual classes for the next year as well. I used to hang out with my friends and family regularly, but I could only see them via FaceTime. Life as I knew it was turned upside down.
When I did leave the house and go to the grocery store, everyone wore KN95 masks. Some people even wore nitrile gloves. In the stores, no one entered within a 2-meter radius of another person. There were stickers on the floor that indicated how far back you should stand from other people in line to pay at the cash register. After shopping, my mom would aggressively pour hand sanitizer in our hands when we got into the car, and when we got home, we would even wipe down all the products that we purchased with Lysol wipes, or with soap and water. My dad ordered a bunch of rapid antigen tests that detect COVID-19, and we took them regularly to make sure we weren’t affected.
On a personal level, and maybe because of the extreme precautions my family was taking to avoid catching COVID-19, I became very anxious. I was worried that I would catch COVID from somewhere. I wasn’t really worried for my own health, since young people weren’t considered to be “at risk” of developing severe COVID cases. I was extremely worried for my parents, and I spent a lot of time alone in my room with the fear that I had COVID and would pass it to them. This caused me to feel isolated for a long time, and put distance between my parents and I.
One of the biggest challenges that my family and I faced during the pandemic was the passing of my uncle, my dad’s brother. In the fall of 2020, he went to the emergency room because he had a cough, chest pain, and difficulty breathing. His wife believed he had COVID. However, the doctors found something arguably worse. He was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that had metastasized to his liver and lungs. He spent the next 8 months in the hospital and in the palliative care unit until he passed away in June 2021. He was only 50 years old.
Hospitals had restricted the number of visitors each patient could have to avoid COVID outbreaks. As a result, his wife and kids were only able to visit him for one hour per week, and no other visitors were permitted. His parents and siblings were only able to visit him on the day of his death. His passing was very hard for my family and I to cope with, especially because at the time of his death, there were still restrictions on social gatherings. A maximum of 10 people were allowed at his funeral, including a pastor. The only people who could attend were his wife, kids, parents, and just one of his siblings. I watched his funeral through a live stream. I couldn’t gather with my family to comfort them for months after that. My grandparents still struggle with loneliness and depression that stemmed from this time, where they were cut off from the rest of their family and lost their son.
Although this was a major challenge for my family and I, I can reluctantly say that a couple positive things came from this experience. It brought my family and I closer after the pandemic ended, and we learned how to better support each other through hard times. Also, losing my uncle to colon cancer has caused my whole family to be more mindful of their health. It’s quite sad that this only happened because my uncle passed away, which makes it hard for me to see this as a positive thing. However, my family has started eating healthier and getting regular colonoscopies to screen for colorectal cancer. My dad even had a few pre-cancerous polyps removed a few years ago.
A course theme that I can connect my COVID experience to is isolation. In the course, we’ve discussed various diseases that caused infected patients and their families to become isolated from the outside world. This was true for tuberculosis patients who were taken to sanitoriums and for Hansen’s disease patients who were isolated from the rest of the community. Although the COVID pandemic was a little different, I felt very isolated from the world, and I know many others did too. Specifically, I knew of people who caught COVID and were admitted to hospitals and never seen again until their passing. These scenarios were like my uncle’s, who I never saw again after he was admitted to the hospital. I look back on these situations and feel incredibly sad for anyone in a hospital during this time, who could only have a limited number of visitors and who spent the majority of their time isolated in a hospital bed. Although the isolation of the pandemic brought pain and loss, it deepened my understanding of the uncertainty of life and the impacts of being cut off from our loved ones.